I was at Walmart a few days ago picking up sweat pants and stuff for my dad. I don’t know why, wal mart was a good place for that stuff in my little corner of the world, and walgreens always seemed to have like ten for a buck specials going on. Here not really quite so much but it’s an old habit. I’ve been resisting getting used to my surroundings.
Anyhow I’m cruising the racks and find a blue shirt to direct me, she sucks her teeth like I had just asked her to toss me a liter of nitro glycerin, and says something very much like “Well, if I have any they’ll be … oh follow me, the clearance rack we had a few this morning.” Um, she meant thermal underwear apparently, but, there were some cool t-shirts on the clearance rack. One of them was a fake silk screen remake of a Hendrix concert Tee and it was marked down to like three bucks.
I’m afraid the irony was lost on me. It was in the grown ass man section and it’s all cottony and it’s fucking Hendrix and they were having a hard time giving it away. Which is what I thought I was going to do with it because I don’t really wear t-shirts and Walmart clearance racks in the grown ass men section are either 4xl and up or Large, which undershoots the demographic by an XL or overshoots by an XL. I’m usually good with an XL, broad shoulders and chest and tyrannosaurus tiny little lizard arms; I mean the xl fits shoulder and chest, hangs loose in tummy like I gots growing room and I’m going to have to roll up sleeves no matter what. Um except with Tees which I don’t wear often or at all.
This was a large. But it was Hendrix. I was going to give it too a friend who, ah, er, um, would give jimi some full cheekbones. I might still, I did try it on though, have it on now, very comfy. For a second there I thought I knew how it made the clearance rack; everything was backwards. Um then I looked away from the mirror and it was just upside down. Yes, I am typing out Um a lot lately, wanna fight?
I forget what’s on the other one, but it’s really soft cotton, and the pink Floyd one is a really bad fake ass dark side of the moon sort of pyramid rainbow prism thing that looks like a kid with crayons was trying to copy the album cover without his glasses or indoors voice. But for three bucks it’s XL enough to make several rags out of and anyway which ones pink?
I dunno, maybe it’s just me, but you’d think that shit would have flown off the shelves, would hit the Okemos Walmart grown ass man demographic right over the place he sings the pledgy ‘legiance to at hockey games which is sort of near his heart. I mean I am that fucking demographic and I would have paid 10 bucks for either of the two and upwards to five for the bad pinkfloyd. Of course I would have expected them in my size and a button down at that price. Um. Oh. I should probably start this campaign now. Nero 2014 platinum? Fuck that shit. Don’t worry, y’all get chapter and verse over the next several years I’m sure. Nero? Fuck that shit.
Oh shit edit. I was passing where my elementary school used to be, it's still there, it's just being used for something else, something schooly. I flashed on an argument I had with a teacher over an alleged "Logic" problem. That old riddle, As I was going to st. Ives I met a man with seven wives and so on and so on (don't wanna kill your buzz if you don't know it, but come on, it was on a t-shirt at walmart three decades ago) how many people were going to st. ives.
Of course some kids added up the wives and sons and shit and some shouted out the right answer (because, like that test that says read whole test carefully before starting and the last thing is just sign your name, you only get fooled once) and I said 'If it's a logic problem you don't know how many people were going to st. ives.
The teacher, a sub, we actually had really good elementary teachers, argued that the poem says only one guy was going to st. Ives and I argued, no, it doesn't, just because the narrator is the only guy who says he's going to st. Ives doesn't mean he was only one going or even that the guy with the wives and the sons was the only people he met or that he met them going the other way, there isn't enough information to answer how many were going to St Ives.
For that matter, I could have added, it wasn't framed right for a logic question which would have included who wasn't going to st ives and, you know, how many of the people who weren't going had blue eyes.
Loading comments...