Designing my Life in It's Art, You Wouldn't Understand

I’m bringing in the New Year on my period. Great. Well…it is actually pretty great because I’d rather that than a baby. Let’s pray that 2020 we stay baby-free. I’m going to take it easy today, I might not work because of the holiday and my cramps. I just want to eat, snuggle up on the couch and binge-watch anime with my favorite hot chocolate. That sounds ideal.

It’s my dad’s birthday today. I haven’t talked to him in about 4 days and I know when I call my sister will ask some passive-aggressive question to see when I called to wish him a happy birthday. I’m going to talk to her about that and let her know how annoying it is. I know she’s trying to be “caring” but it comes off as controlling and motherly. I guess I can call her today, see how she’s settling in her new place.

I didn’t sleep well at all last night, we went to bed at 10 pm and I woke up at 2 am. I remember Chu kissing me on my forehead before leaving for work but that’s about it. I just got up to eat breakfast so I can take all my pills but I think I want to lay down again. Can you believe I can still feel this flu trying to take hold? I’ve been fighting it for about a week now and doing a bang job about it. Though I still wake up with somewhat of a stuffy nose and itching throat. Since I’m staying home today I guess I can call ALL my family members, even Chu’s side....or nah. I’ll do that tomorrow.

I found my old goal list from 2016. Gosh damn did I have high hopes for myself. I thought I’d be sad that I didn’t accomplish anything there. Mostly because my goals have changed so much but the ones I still want…the ones that are on this 2020 goal list…I don’t really have a good reason. I’m trash.

I thought I’d be sad to see what a failure I have become in that regard but I’m surprisingly okay. I laughed a bit and then I started formulating a plan to bring them to life. It’s interesting blending how I wanted my life to be compared to now. I can pick and choose what is more appealing to me.

I guess I want to spend the day reflecting and writing a new script for my life. I really want to focus on designing it instead of waiting to see what comes by. Holding myself more accountable this year should be the defining factor.

Happy New Year everyone. I hope 2020 brings all the love and blessings you can handle....and then some.