twenty-one in poems

  • Dec. 30, 2019, 6:48 a.m.
  • |
  • Public

sometimes late at night when i’ve had too much fear to drink i wish you had hurt me
physically, i mean
the kind of hurt that leaves bodies and trails
scratches and slaps and bruises on arms or hidden beneath bulky sweaters

i’ve hidden marks before, you see
keeping eyes behind sunglasses and makeup on neck marks
where fingers left little flowering reminders
of when pain and kisses lined my skin

but you left no real evidence.

you were so careful in the words you wrote and spoke
that when i finally fled from your palace
i had nothing left to show for the newfound wounds i had in my soul
just some invisible words that appeared so benign
unless you knew how to speak your unique flavour of abuse

How can I prove what you did when you knew what you were doing
a dance you had created intricate steps to
and taught me how to waltz,
spinning round and round beneath a crumbling chandelier
that promised to fall if i stopped

but i keep reading the messages
flipping them over in my hands hoping there are worms beneath
that will wriggle when i put their living guts onto a hook
dangle it in the waters of public opinion
and wait for you to bite.

it always sounds like a tall tale
“it was this big”
i will say, gesturing to the empty space inside me

“big enough to break me”


Jordynh6916 December 30, 2019

Wow! This is honestly amazing and so raw. I’ve been though both physical and emotional abuse,it’s painful and it is dark but somehow we always tend to stay for love until we realize that love isn’t enough anymore. Then when we finally get the courage to leave you want to hurt them they way they’ve hurt you, we want the world to know how cruel you are but some of us still hang on to the love and exit and silence. You are amazing and NEVER forget your worth. I pray you find someone who treats you like a queen and will worship your beautiful soul.

Xoxo Joe

When you think there aren’t others around you,you begin to lose sight of things. There are people who love you never forget that and never think he/she is the only one that will love you

No White Knight December 30, 2019

I'm happy to see your beautiful poetry again, and hope it helps you evolve into the person you want to at the end of 2020.

Your journey through 2019 was bitter-sweet and inspiring.

You're the most loveable and lovely human I don't know in person.

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