I am having another one of my mental illness episodes right about now. I was starting to think I might have gotten better, but now I think I am only getting worse. I haven't had an episode in about a month. I have been dealing with this illness for a few years at least that is when I started noticing it. When it began I could get away without having an attack for months at a time but now it started to develop more often, and a lot stronger. Tonight it hit fast and like a ton of bricks. I swear I could describe the feeling as if I had a switch in my head and that switch got flipped as soon as it did my brain started to react, and shut down. This time I felt as if all my stress was weighing down on me trying to claw it's way out at the same time. It got hard for me to breath as anxiety was filling up my insides. I only wanted to sit in my dark room, and curl up like a ball under my blankets. My voice had gotten smaller and more like a faint whisper. All the strength I had left inside my body was draining at a rapid pace. I started feeling incredibly weak. Tears slid down my face uncontrollably.
I was having a conversation on the phone when it started to happen. I had to immediately end the call. This has never happened to me before it came on so strong with no warning. I was previously like the calm before the storm. The storm hit so hard tonight. I have no idea what type of illness I could have my episodes have never been like this one before except maybe one other time it had been worse. Since theses feeling writing this has helped to calm me down. I most likely will not be getting out of bed tomorrow. Maybe ill even be down for the count the whole weekend.
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