27.11.19 in this life inside my head

I believe one can appear at peace with themselves while battling with the chaos and turmoil bubbling up inside. Tearing them apart, faster than they could realised. The calm before the storm they say. But what if the storm is already here and the calm was just a defence mechanism to mask what was really going on inside one’s mind? One could have it all and perceived nothingness. While others could have nothing yet feel full of live. But what is nothing? How do you even define nothing? Nothing of the materialistic world? Nothingness of the stillness of life? Nothing is nothing. Everything is something. But why is it that if we think hard enough. If we stop and ponder what is life. What kind of answers do we get? How small are we in this vast universe? is universe the biggest thing? Or are there several universes contain in the unknown of the cosmic space? Life is really a funny thing isn’t it? You are the narrative in your life story. But you are also the main character. You are also the director. You are also the producer. But sometimes, there are days when you just feel like an extra in your story. The feeling of idly standing by waiting for another main character to “read their lines” or “make a move” so that you can react. Isn’t it strange how one could feel so, even though deep down inside they truly know how the script should flow and how the director, in this case, themselves, would want the story to go a certain way?