Sitting here in silence, I can’t help but feel, as empty as the sound is. I know it’s more then alright to sit, mindlessly watch something on netflix, and cuddle the pups until work. Although, Theres a to-do list that seems to have things tacked on more then they get scribbled off. My feet don’t move, studying doesnt even seem like an option, sadly, all I have accomplished is straightening up. This is miles of progress I have made in the prior weeks, so I do suppose that has to speak for something.
Over, and over, and over again, I fall into this rabbithole. Think, Alice in wonderland, only being bashed by rocks, twigs, and sewer drains on the way. Ha.
The chaos that surrounds me, is as much my fault as it is not. Three fourth of it is my own self sabotage, if we’re beinf completely honest. I have this way of, ruining things, simply because I’m afraid they’re going to be ruined, an unwavering ability to become so vengeful, I tear my self apart in the process of trying to make others feel as I do. Destroying everything, instead of being mature, sorting and working through things, or even simply letting them go. Ive allowed my self to become a heart broken, bitter, selfish, man. The man that stares back at me is a foreign man, his origin is a mystery, either way, he is no longer welcome here.
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