I have never written any sort of journal or diary before, so i am in uncharted waters for myself. I haven’t even really read what other people post to this sort of thing but i do know that i need an outlet for the chaos that are my thoughts.
I have found myself increasingly losing focus on the things that matter and being spread so thin that i don’t really even know where i am going half the time.
so a little about me…
I am married, with two kids. I live in a beautiful home and have a great job that i quite enjoy. I am fairly close with my family, my parents and sister are amazing people.
all great right? a lot of the time it is. so why am i sitting here at 4:30am writing this?
i can guess.. but honestly, i don’t know. I just finished reading a great book called Stillness that talked about writing as a way to sort out thoughts. I need something since i can’t really talk to anyone, no money for therapy.. people try to give me solutions when i have tried to talk in the past but i don’t need solutions.. and i don’t want to skew anyone’s view of my wife by talking about my relationship with her and my views of her because she is fantastic and i want everyone to see the good side of her.
i get stressed about work where i have 20 people that work for me and rely on me being sharp and leading them so that they can provide for their families.
i get stressed about my home, where i have tons of bills that i can’t afford with my day job and my wife has been out of work since we had our first child 5 years ago.
i get stressed about my marriage, where my wife and i could be happy but we just can’t seem to get on the same page anymore. i will visit this in future posts, often, i am sure.
and… i am honestly tired. tired of being the responsible one that can’t make a mistake because so many lives could be effected.
that is all for now.. have a great day
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