November 22, 2019 in Productivity Diary

Starting balance: 49.65 hours

7 mins
1 hour 47 mins

Current balance: 47.75 hours

Alright Ms. Procrastinator, on with work, please. I’ve been sleeping but I wasn’t even sleep deprived. What’s with me?

I can’t run this afternoon, but I should run twice tomorrow then? I need to finish all this work! One more class day. I’m almost there. Too many mistakes.

15 mins

Fine, comps and study guide and comps and email, okay? Yes. Just do it.

1 hour 34 mins

Current balance: 45.94 hours

9 mins
5 mins

ok, keep working pleaseee! Comps and study guide all the way until the email to students is sent, please!

28 mins
2 mins

Ending balance: 45.21 hours

Aw man, I still didn’t get to 4.5 hours. How was that possible?

Snippets from my messages to him:

It can’t be. How could it end like this? Well, you even noted that I asked for this to end on so so so many different occasions too. What could I have done? What can I do? I didn’t want to keep leeching off you and your amazing ability to care so deeply. … I probably should follow your advice sometimes, and just ask myself: What do I want from this? If I can get anything I want out of this, what would it be? You wrote this: “Perhaps try asking yourself: If I could have anything (no limits) in this world what would it be.” (Essayez peut-être de vous demander: si je pouvais avoir quoi que ce soit (aucune limite) dans ce monde, de quoi s’agirait-il). Well, this is difficult; I don’t know. Or really, I’m just avoiding thinking it through, but perhaps it will be therapeutic or cathartic for me? Maybe I’ll take a while to figure out the answer too. Funny, the only person who would be able to help me sort this through is you. Yes you. Okay, I’ll try answering that question for myself, maybe tomorrow. If I could get anything I want out of you, what would it be?

Last updated November 23, 2019