it wasn't terrible tea in Sometimes I feel dead inside

i should be sleeping. i shouldn’t be awake. but my mind is racing, my body doesn’t know its done. i went and saw a friend at her new job today, its an ok place but it doesn’t look like its done yet. while i was there i ran into another friend who just happened to be walking by. he insisted on me grabbing a drink with him, so i did. his gf was working at a bar nearby. this is a bit awkward, i was under the impression they had broken up, he’s not one of my best friends, he’s more of just a dude that i know. but he wants to hang out with me. anyhow, his gf is gorgeous, and while drunk over the weekend she got a little playful with me and i ended up slapping her booty a couple of times. he didn’t know about it, and i pretended to not remember what had happened. i feel bad because i know he’s been going through a rough time, and he’s a nice enough guy. i don’t want to be a scumbag, and its not like anything serious happened, though i thought about it. i possibly wouldn’t have hesitated. i don’t do that though, i am not that guy. i got a little tipsy after a few drinks, then i went home. i wonder what i should do i like this guy’s gf, i feel bad that i do. but i won’t do anything, i don’t do that, i won’t do that. its too bad she’s not really available, i won’t do anything stupid. i started listening to music that reminded me of my friend who’s gone. i was reminded how much i miss him. i miss having someone i can talk to, someone that can listen to my stupid problems and offer advice who i could do likewise with. i was surprised i talked to this dude today and it felt like the first time in a while i was able to open up to someone. which was great, but i totally want to steal his gf. ugh, don’t worry loyal fan club, i will not do something out of character. i am starting to get tired regaling you my dilemma, have no fear i will be over this tomorrow. part of me wants to just work on music, i get inspiration at the most ridiculous times anymore.