Would You Still Be There? in Just Moments

~So M and I started talking again well, we talked once and that's better than nothing but things aren't the same. I'm not sure if they ever will be again. I'm not sure I want them to be the same again. I still can't believe that he did this to me. He was supposed to be my best friend. The person that was supposed to be there for me no matter what. I don't have secrets from him, well correction I didn't have secrets from him at that time. Which is why I did what I did. I don't regret telling him I went over the situation again and again in my head and it all ends up the same way. I would tell him what I found out and you know who he probably still would have reacted the same and we would still be here. If I wouldn't have said anything I still think the same reaction would have occurred when he found out I was hiding something from him. Either way I would have been screwed. I still would have gotten hurt due to how he acted towards me. Its not fair, but my life has never been fair. This is what my life has been and it always will be I have concluded.
~In other news, I've made a new friend C. C and I have worked together for a few months now and we talk every once and a while but recently we started talking more. A lot actually. Its nice to have someone new to talk to. Especially when M and I weren't talking. C just lets me have another outlet. I really appreciate him. If the situation was different I would consider the fact that he might be interested in me, but that's not a possibility because of so many obstacles in the way, mainly the fact that I work in HR and would get fired for dating anyone I work with. No matter what, I believe that you can never have too many friends. Especially in my life because it seems that people like to come and go as they please leaving me feeling utterly alone.
~If I'm being honest with myself I felt more alone this past week than I have ever felt. Its just not fair that I react this way when things like this happen. I wish that they didn't but then again I don't know if I can control that. Because of who I am and how I feel things, I just can't control some things. I have tried and tried to not let people control me that way, but I can't conquer it. They always win leaving me feel alone.
~I always thought that you should have at least one person who would always be there for you. And I thought that person would be someone you've known a long time and had a growing relationship with. But recently I've been noticing that for me at least its never been just one person. There have been several people that fulfilled that role for me over the years. In high school I had a different "best" friend every year. When I got to college a bunch of people come and went. Then there was A who we had a bumpy relationship but we were friends for quite a few years and then she dropped me just like I didn't exist. And then M filled that role. And I still think he might be able to but its nice to have C there too.
~So something I've been thinking about lately is the fact that if I would be able to go back in time and change a few things that I would like to do over, would certain people who are now not in my life anymore, if they would still be there waiting for me? Part of me thinks that no matter what happened, then and even if I could fix things, I bet those people would have still found an excuse to leave. I mean I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and well if these people were meant to leave my life, they would have done so at one point or another. If people are meant to be in your life they will be. I also believe that people come into your life when they are meant to and leave when its the right time or you no longer need them anymore. Maybe that's totally wrong but for me it makes the most sense. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt when people come and go. It hurts like hell, but you also grow and learn from the pain. But when it is all said and done it still sucks...