I'm indifferent to the loss.. in 1. Sometimes giving up is the only way.

It snowed last night. I’m sure someone is saying well if there’s global warming then why is there snow!

You won’t hear them say it again though, because I would have strangled them and buried them in said snow. Fucking people.

Extinction level events aside. The snow is comforting. In the middle of the night I often go outside to smoke and be alone. But there’s just so much noise, busy road next to the house. Birds/animals wind pushing things around, but with the snow it’s all quiet and serene. The white covers the ugliness of, everything. The snow acts like a blanket, covering up the dying grass and various piles of trees I’ve yet to finish cutting up for kindling/trash. It takes all my failures and blurs them into indistinct shapes that could be anything.

I stand there in my robe, which isn’t warm enough for this, and slowly inhale and exhale the smoke that’s slowly killing me. With the snow all around, the silence is so thick it could be cut with a knife. Watching the delicate flakes fall from the heavens, it’s quite beautiful.

On the other hand i’m usually wasted when i go out and my mind plays tricks on me with all the objects in the yard. So having them covered in snow hides them from my imagination. Also there’s less chance some random monster will jump out and come running at me. Well, I’d at tracks when i came outside. The unbroken snow is comforting. Maybe some throwback to when man was hunted by other things and we were more in tune with our primal (danger) instincts. Now a days my body/mind react to something and i tell it to shut up and give it drugs. Too exhausted to stay awake? That’s probably a warning sign. I know i’ll drink something that gives me ‘energy’ and pretend i’m fine. Ugh.

Humans aren’t meant to survive. I’m amazed we have so far. For example. Red bull. explicitly says DO NOT MIX WITH ALCOHOL. First thing we do? Jager bombs. what? Jagermeister isn’t your drink? oh well here drink it with Vodka!

So now you’re shitty drunk and just need to pass out, but wait! You’ve had 15 shots of red bull in the span of 2 hours. Good fucking luck.

Of course. It could all just be me being melodramatic and high, overthinking things as per usual.