Just a fading fucking reminder in 1. Sometimes giving up is the only way.

Jerking awake suddenly. Not a cold sweat just… sweat. I’m covered in it my hair is damp.
She’s asleep next to me. Beauty hasn’t faded, but for every beautiful girl out there, is a person who’s tired of dealing with her shit.

Fading emotions terror? rage? happiness>, what was it this time? I can never remember dreams. Good bad or indifferent. Yet every day for the last 3 weeks I’ve been waking up sweating and feeling .... something but I don’t know what it is.

Did I miss some turning point? Of course I did, it’s impossible that I didn’t.

I sit there, not terrified, just confused. Clock says it’s 3: 21 am. 2 more hours of sleep, just to wake up exhausted.

The kids are sleeping so i don’t have to dress all the way to go upstairs to get to the bathroom.

Waste products removed, I head back to the bed. I’ll smoke and maybe the drugs will calm my racing thoughts.