Double Dumped in New Beginnings

  • Oct. 21, 2019, 12:57 p.m.
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  • Public

It takes a certain degree of romantic ineptitude to get dumped by someone you’re not even dating, but I’m a boundary pusher. I just received the following email from Erika.

“Hi Rob,

I hope you are well! I’ve been thinking a lot about how to do this or even if I should do it at all, but I feel like I need to out of respect for you and the conversations we had all summer. Since the last time we talked, it seemed like your plans were to still look for jobs in St. Louis and we were both still wanting to eventually be together, I feel like I do owe you this message. I’m wondering if God has already spoken about this to you and maybe you’ve totally moved on? I want that to be true. Anyway, I want you to know I was genuine about everything I’ve ever said to you (except for that cruel message I sent you back in January- that is the only thing I wish I had never said to you and I wish I hadn’t been so evil). I did love you, and I do care about you, and I absolutely want God’s best for you in EVERY way in EVERY aspect of your life. Now, I have clarity as to why I didn’t ultimately have the peace I was needing to have about us moving forward. Rob, you were MY choice. I absolutely would’ve chosen you. You are a wonderful, good, godly man and I respect you immensely. But, God has shown me His choice for me and has given me the peace that I’ve needed to move forward with this other man that He put in my life in July. I didn’t even like him at first and didn’t even want to see him again after our first meeting. Or after our second or third! But something in me kept telling me to give him a chance. And God has recently revealed to both of us that we are the ones He has for each other. I didn’t want to go public with this relationship without saying something to you first because I didn’t want you to be blindsided. I know you encouraged me not to wait for you and encouraged me to pursue something with someone else if that came along before you did. And I had no intentions of doing that because I wanted to wait for you. But as you know, I truly want to follow God and I want the best of what He has for me too, just as I want you to have His best. I’m thankful for you and all He taught me through you and I hope He leads you to His perfect choice for you and I know you will experience so much more peace and happiness with her than with me and that your fears and reservations will melt away when you meet her and that you will KNOW that she is the one. I didn’t know what being IN love was until God brought Kodi into my life. I DID and do love you, Rob, but I am IN love with Kodi and I didn’t know the difference until now since I’ve never had this with a man. Thank you for your goodness and kindness and forgiveness. I sincerely wish all my heart wish you nothing but God’s best for you in every aspect of your life and I will be so happy to see you again in heaven and spend eternity with you as my brother in Christ.

God bless you always!

Perhaps I should have waited, but here was my response.

“Hi, Erika.

First off, I want to thank you for being honest with me. I suspect telling me could not have been easy. You are correct, my intentions were to apply positions that would allow me to transfer to Saint Louis. I had already applied to one with ECPI University, and I was going to start applying to remote staff accounting positions next semester. Every morning, after praying for you and Mary, I would ask God to open the door to Saint Louis if it was best for His kingdom. I suppose this must be His answer. While painful, I can’t honestly say that I’m surprised. You have so much to offer, thinking that you wouldn’t find someone else was naïve at best.

I certainly feel an ache at this development, but that’s just my selfishness and jealousy speaking. I want you to be happy, and I want you to experience only God’s best for your life and never settle for anything less. Remember that love is more than a feeling; it’s a commitment to someone else’s best interest. I love you, too; and based on your news and what love actually is, that means I have to let go. Thank you for your honesty, your friendship, your kindness, and your forgiveness. You’re an amazing woman, and you’ll always be special to me.

With deep affection,


Last updated October 21, 2019

Marg October 21, 2019

WTF?? Way to dig the knife in and twist it! Your reply was very admirable and very mature - I’m not sure she deserved that. I’m sorry you received this though - it must hurt - I hadn’t realised you still had feelings for her.

Robbo Marg ⋅ October 21, 2019

Really? Do you think she was trying to be hurtful. I didn't get that at all.

Marg Robbo ⋅ October 24, 2019

Well I’m maybe missing crucial info - it seems like a double whammy to me like you said - but if there was still some hope there or you were both still in touch then that might paint a different picture and there may have been more of a need to close things completely in case of any misunderstanding.

Star Maiden October 24, 2019

As a very non religious person her whole email made me feel sick. :)

Small Town Girl October 25, 2019

Shes a game playing whack job. You're much better off.

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