Strange Bedfellow in 2014

This is weird. I'm laying in Ashley's bed, tired, still slightly drunk, yet unable to fall back asleep. Who the hell is Ashley? That's a valid question. Roughly a year ago I was interested in her. I met her through mutual friends, and things seemed like they were going somewhere, only I got friendzoned out of(seemingly) nowhere. There was a lot going wrong then and I was in a dark place. The rejection hurt and should have pushed me further into depression, but it didn't. For some reason I decided enough was enough, and had a moment. I started to improve my life. I read some self-help stuff and began feeling more confident, as well as changing my living situation.

Anyway, I figured that was it. I came over tonight for a belated birthday hangout with one of the aforementioned mutual friends, who she now is roommates with. Somehow we ended up lying in bed together watching a movie and presumably going to bed, though instead we talked a lot and made out. I'm not sure what else would have transpired but apparently her neighbor/ex-boyfriend was knocking at the door, so she left and has been gone since. I drifted in and out of sleep and have been watching Date Night on repeat and plumbing through old-ass lyrics on my old-ass deviantart page. Complimented with tje sound of rain falling outside for an optimal amount of reflection and feels. Sleep seems unlikely so I'm waiting to sober up, head home and get what sleep I can before getting up and around for work.

It's just so bizarre. All the texting and several hangouts of last year and I get much further this night with one drunken, albeit candid hangout. It's bizarre. What is the point of rapport?

I don't believe in fate, nor karma. However, the universe seems to enjoy sending people from my past back at me for no reason other than to temporarily disorient me and permanently confuse me. I guarantee I won't see her again for a while after this. Maybe I should have tried to sleep with her. Last year I wanted to date her, and now once again I look for someone to date, but it just doesn't happen. The warmth and hope is already becoming replaced once again by walls covered in jaded pessimism.

Short story long, it's a rather weird night. I just want cuddles, and since that seems unlikely now, sleep. Ugh.