I know. in General

I know the last entry was myopic and selfish. That is the nature of diaries isn’t it? We go to our diaries to stare at our belly buttons and feel sorry for ourselves.

I deserve better than that, and Sandy certainly deserves better than that.
I have a decision to make.

Do I leave Thursday morning on my trip south, or do I hold off to go to a memorial ceremony in California in November?

And I already know what Sandy would say.

Go see your grandson.

We often joked about the finite heartbeat theorem. If you knew how many you had left how would you divvy them up? Shove them into an excel spreadsheet and sort, do you then apply macros and decide what is worth your time and what you should skip. Or do you just fly by the seat of your pants.

She was probably the sweetest, nicest person I will ever come across in this lifetime. Truth is, she would tell me to go to Texas.

I am sad that the family isn’t parsing the ashes. I would love to take her back to Popham.

We were only there for a day, but she loved the magic of that beach. The joy was so apparent on her face the whole time we were there. I don’t know if she had ever been on an east coast beach. She body surfed and beachcombed. She was here for a week, and we had lobster three times.

On the way to the airport we had breakfast at the Brunswick Diner, a kitschy little place that served pretty decent omelets.

I saw her two more times when I flew out to Phoenix. Once for a visit, and once for a class.

But twice a week we talked. Sunday morning, and sometime during the week. I never knew when that call was coming. I missed more than a few. Sometimes I was at the beach, where I never take my phone. Other times when I was mowing the lawn.

What I wouldn’t give for the phone to ring and see her name on caller ID. Just one more time.

Last updated October 16, 2019