It was a week, ya'll. in Candy Corn on the Cob (October 2019)

I’m taking a break right now. I have one more paper to write “right now,” before I head home, but it’s not a big paper and I’ve done well so far. This paper will be on interviewing, which is an essential skill for social work and a ton of other fields. I’ve interviewed before, obviously. I think I might suck at it, but I think that’s just because I love to frickin’ talk. We did two basic exercises, one where you had to come up with questions on the fly to keep someone talking for five minutes, and then a fifteen-minute exercise where you had to extract information about their scholastic career. I don’t really want to write anything about it, but I do want a damn grade, so I’ll get to that.

This has been another vanished week. By that, I mean, the week has disappeared into a to-do list getting checked off. I did 2/3 of a project for English, for the participation grade (we had to attend three events, I just did two.) I have to go to an event next week, too, and that will finish me up for one English class and start me off for the other. We’re seeing a poet, Anders Carson-Wee. I fail to be suitably impressed right now, but I also haven’t read the handout of his work. I’ll probably be impressed after that.

Then again, I’m not great with poetry. I hate poetry. Well, I like SOME poetry, but I never like “the right kind.” I like e.e. cummings, for example, but you’re supposed to hate them (boy or girl, I don’t remember) because of their childishness or some such hooey. I like them anyway. I read a whole novel in poems once, and that was novel, but I didn’t care for the poetry in it. The story was pretty typical YA, but with dissociative identity disorder. I liked the novelty. I wouldn’t read another one, though.

I really haven’t got much to say, because not much is happening right now. I wake up, I crawl to campus, belly up to the classroom feeder bar, take my knowledge pellet, and squirrel it away. Sometimes I eat them. Sometimes I just poop ‘em out, I swear. Then I hide on campus until I have amassed enough crap and can’t take much more, mentally or physically, and I slink back home to hide in my den. I’m somewhere between walking wounded and just wounded, pushing myself up some hill in search of aid. I’m exhausted. But I’m also okay, more or less. Week six is coming up now, and that’s 2/5 of the way through. (There’s 15 weeks to this term.) 40% done, right?

I need to organize some kind of self-care event. I don’t even know what I want. This term, I kind of want my home back. I mean, roommates aren’t particularly evil (just loud and fuck that playstation and ALL those goddamn Persona games can go straight to HELL) but I’m really over the idea that I need to save them from anything. I just need to gather my little family together, snuggle up, and do something we like. But I can’t, because I can’t even get the kids to tell me what they want to do (would have gone there and worked on my paper while they did the thing, but they couldn’t come up with a place to go, except Adia wanted to go to Goodwill.) (Adia always wants to go to Goodwill, because she likes the bin of plushies in the toy department.) Last night I didn’t do Little Job because Kitty crawled into bed with me for a while. We watched Aggretsuko til 1 am.

Shittty boossss. Shittty bossss.

Insert a metal red panda image here. I don’t feel like doing it for you. I liked the bit where her tail’s wagging around, it made me laugh.

What the fuck does a blitzed out girl do a third of the way through a tough term for self-care? It can’t be expensive, time-consuming, or far from home. I only know a few places. I could go to the movies, but I don’t think I want to. Nothing good is on. Yeah. I checked. I might watch Joker, but Spouse would want to go. I could take the girls to Abominable, but I don’t want to go. With all these murder stories from forensic mit, It part two doesn’t sound appetizing. That’s really all there is there.

I need a friend. And a hobby or something. Or a desire to clean house. Feck. I just need.