Regarding my last entry, oh, how I love this group of beautiful, beautiful people. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate each and every comment. So many things I hadn’t really thought about. And now I’ve had some time to consider the following (that most of you have already pointed out):
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For the last (almost) six months, I have not been following the extremely strenuous workout regimine that I had been on. This is HUGE as I’ve always said if I’m not working up a good sweat daily, depression will set in. I suppose that maybe what I’m feeling might not be depression, but maybe it’s the aggression I was so used to getting out at the gym?
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This IS a brain injury and I had forgotten to remind myself of that. I’m not the same person I was before April. Truly, I would like to be a better person than who I was before, but I don’t know that my brain knows or cares…ha.
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I posed this thought to my Carotid Artery Dissection Support group on FB yesterday and got SO many amazing comments back. Very wise comments from people, some who have suffered multiple CADs and multiple strokes and even worse. We all have PTSD to some degree - most of us not even knowing exactly how we dissected our arteries - many of us injured while working out and trying to be our healthiest. We all suffer from this mental fatigue, sensory overload, anxiety and sheer frustration. Some (but not many) seem to have found relief with medication, some with therapy, some with light exercise, some are just living with the “change” in impulse control.
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I’m also on the verge of being 52 years old and somewhere in the process of going through “the change”, which I’m sure doesn’t help with staying patient and clear-headed. In fact, I’d still been on a regular monthly schedule until June - and I haven’t seen my monthly friend since. I’ve also noticed some night sweats (very mild) and I know that by definition I’m changing.
So. Now that I feel like I know why I’m so annoyed and moody by the end of the day, what can I do about it?
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Yesterday I was extremely conscious about how I was feeling and what I was doing. I was careful with my speech and my actions. On my drive home I was not in a hurry and purposely let people merge as necessary (such a simple thing that for some reason has been so hard to do lately!)
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I ate a little energy bar of fruit and nuts at around 4pm, the time when I know I tend to start to go downhill
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I meditated with one of the many apps out there (this one is called Insight Timer) at bedtime and was asleep by about 2 minutes in… I want to be more conscious about meditation, etc. so I’m also looking into restorative yoga (thanks, Athena!) again. I’ve been curious about restorative yoga for a while now and just need to bite the bullet and attend a class, for Pete’s sake!
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I am going to make sure my doctor knows that I’ve struggled a bit with impulse control and it’s noticeable to me. I don’t want to go on more meds, so I’m hoping that he can refer me to…someone or something different.
I feel better today. I feel like I’m exploring this issue in a positive way and I know I will be taking more action moving forward. I’m grateful - I really am - for this day, for my friends, my family and alllll of the amazing ideas and support and outreach. What did I do to deserve this?
I love you,
GS
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