Still working on the road trip entry. Now trying to get photos into that puppy. Wow…I need to take a blogger course or something. This should be easier.
But I wanted to come here this morning before work gets crazy to write about something I’ve noticed over the last few months. Perhaps this has something to do with my injury - or perhaps it’s been something I’m guilty of forever. Thing is, I’m just now noticing it about myself and I don’t like it!
Look.
I just took a DNA test turns out I’m 100% THAT bitch!
I have realized that I’m an awful human being at the end of my workday - probably starting around 4pm until the time I get home! The exception is when I go to the doggy daycare to pick up Martini. I am happy and social there, but woooo…don’t cross me at work at the very end of the day OR when I’m driving home!!
A few examples come to mind:
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Before I knew my carotid artery was dissected and before I went to the ER for this discovery, I walked around with this condition for a few days! During that time I could tell that I had zero patience for pretty much anything and even snapped a bit at my boss. Now. There was GOOD reason for that and we’ve even talked about it (I brought it up), but…
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On Friday, boss was about 45 minutes late for a meeting I’d called at 3:30 and he’d called a meeting at 4:30 (on a FRIDAY, no less) with the whole team. That left me 15 minutes to talk with him about my project. Not enough time. And then he asked me to do a million things to prep him for his Asia trip and I snapped again that I could do it as long as I could be out of the office on time. I shouldn’t have done that - it was shitty and I’m on salary so it was a bullshit thing, but I did it. Like, I couldn’t stop my mouth! But he was sooooo late for our meeting and I was seething about that!
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There’s construction on my street that’s been going on for months. I live in an already congested downtown area, but this construction makes traffic just inch along when I’m trying to get home in the evenings. Sometimes people cut me off and it makes me CRAZY! I am that person who honks. And if the recipient of that honk gets annoyed with that and rolls down their window to confront me, I will ARGUE to the DEATH! Like, I will participate in screaming matches with total strangers. This is horrific! And people get killed this way!
I don’t like this about myself. Sure, I know that there are always two sides to these things, but what I want is the patience to not lash out at other people. I don’t want to feel that pressure cooker feeling making my blood boil. How do I stop this and become more zen-like?
I suppose noticing it and writing it down might be Step #1, but I feel really, really awful that I can’t control my anger and emotions during this time of day. Once I’m home and I’ve had a small meal and I’ve decompressed I’m fine. Also, it’s really the only time I’m like this. I wake up happy in the morning! I’m always in a great mood and thrilled to be alive! But by late afternoon and into the evening, I’m HORRIBLE. And then, once I’m settled into my evening, I’m fine again.
What even IS this? Please tell me!
GS
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