I wrote this long ass entry about the computer I’m going to build. What it didn’t say was in the three or four pages whence it rambled; I’m kind of bored and don’t know what to do with myself. It’s not a bad idea, replacing my computer before it’s too late and I can’t transfer settings, but, you know, so what? I’ve been looking at factory rolled ones for weeks now and just couldn’t pull the trigger. Yeah, it’s hard to build a 399 computer for much less than 399, but drop 600 and you can build a 1500 dollar computer.
Yeah, I know, who the fuck needs that? Thing is I need a computer to last me years. A 399 factory rolled is disposable. For that matter a 1500 buck factory rolled is disposable too, it just takes longer. The computer I’m using right now ranges from ten years old to a couple of months. That’s the benefit you get from building one. Well, and you save money if you really need theshit. I pretty much use this thing as a fancy typewriter that goes online. A 399 disposable factory rolled can do that.
I could use a forty year old IBM selectric and a TV except for one thing, and it’s an important thing. Where do you get the ink for an electric typewriter? That’s why I need a computer to last for years. It’s not that I need my typewriter to be up to date, I need the ink to be.
No typewriter needs eight cores at 4.2, no typewriter needs raid, crossfire, or SATA III. No one wants a disposable typewriter though either. My typewriter doesn’t need a solid state hard drive either, but if it ever does, the one I’m building will take one, the 399 factory rolled won’t.
You would think with all the shit I’ve got going on that knowing what to do with myself wouldn’t be an issue. The thing is it all happens in short stressful bursts, the rest of my time yawns. Yeah, there is a cool-new-toy factor with the computer, but even so, even with all the cussing and wrassling with windows easy transfer and the cussing involved with getting my fat little fingers into small little places, it’s less than a few hours, and, geez, I don’t know, if I were a gamer … I’m going to use a very similar graphics card.
They asked me at the home whether I’d like to get wi-fi for my dad. I looked confused. They asked again. I snorted. In public. I hate snorting in public. I didn’t understand the first time the way a giraffe wouldn’t understand “Do you want a fish?” I mean if you said it in giraffe, if you said it in hippo the giraffe would eventually get bored shrug the place his shoulders would be if a giraffe had shoulders and wander away. At first the giraffe wouldn’t get that you were actually offering him meat.
I did struggle with the whole TV service thing and decided to decline. There’s a TV in the commons room and I think he understands social better than TV. I mean his short term memory is so shot he can’t follow a TV show (though I suspect that’s true of a lot of viewers, it would sure explain the neilsen ratings). So, although he might have the TV on all the time in his own room it would have as much to do with not knowing how to work the remote than wanting to watch TV.
Huh. I don’t know that I’ve given a very clear picture. It’s absolutely true about the TV, but, it’s also true that during the course of my day today I met at least two people who could have a full five minute conversation with my dad and not know he was demented. I’m not suggesting I met two idiots today (though, I probably did, I was out in the world for a good three hours) I mean he holds his end of a conversation, when he’s not completely absorbed with whatever is going on in his head which usually involves something going on with his body that he can’t articulate and shit that’s not really uncommon with most of us, and a person would have to be paying close attention to recognize an inability to reference thirty seconds ago. Ok, no, not close attention, but, c’mon you talked to at least two people today who weren’t really paying attention. Some people don’t pay attention for a living “Hi, how’re you? Great. Me? I’m fine, thank you. That’ll be 399.”
My dad not only can engage in that kind of exchange but he can do it warmer and fuzzier. He can’t tell you the right year or who is in the white house, but, honestly, when was the last time you were asked that? He gets asked that all the time because he’s demented. Which doesn’t really explain why the doctors ask all the time. Do they expect him to be less demented than the last time the chart was updated? Is 2004 a worse or better answer than 2010 or 1999? Are they expecting him to say 1794 in a French accent and try to behead an aristocrat? The DMV had him live an in person a few years back, took his picture and issued him a drivers license. He’s not any more or less demented now than he was then. He’s in his pajamas in the photo. See what I mean about he can’t track a TV show but there are people who wouldn’t notice the dementia?
He’s seemed worse in the last few weeks, completely disengaged, yet, when I saw him last, yesterday, he seemed pretty good. He signed some documents (he hasn’t been declared incompetent yet, heh, I bet if they wait for him to pay the bill they’d make the declaration a lot quicker) and I’ll gurentee he didn’t understand they were for his new permanent residence, though it was explained right before he signed. He hasn’t objected to the idea at all or asked to go home or even suggested he understood how long it’s been since he’s been in his home of the last fifty years. I think thirty seconds is about the range of his short term memory, couldn’t tell ya where the long term begins or ends. I mean he certainly recognizes me, my siblings, my mom, and prior to me coming out here and prior to the dementia, he hasn’t seen me in over a decade (he’s about five years into the dementia, though, obviously, it’s gotten worse in the past few months, I mean, I think, it could just be his inability to deal with his physical problems is just more apparent because he has more physical problems. ).
I guess all I wanted to say with all that is it’s not as bad as it sounds AND it’s worse than it sounds too.
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