roleplay therapy in The Tightrope Dance (August 2019)
- Aug. 27, 2019, 10:06 p.m.
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- Public
I was sitting thinking, which is never a good idea but I do it anyway, how all my rp relationships end up with crap that other people take to therapy, but I can’t, because these are fictional characters. I should start offering ‘therapy’ for roleplayers, I swear. I understand what it’s like to fall for a fictional character and then get stopped short and cut off. I even understand the “I fucking told you sos” when a plot goes pear-shaped because someone leaped ahead and now doesn’t like the results. And I totally get the puppeted blues. (That’s where someone either tightens down the plot so you can only react one way or straight up has you react that way in their post.)
On the plus side, I figured out why I keep returning to these jilted girls in my head. (There are four or five of them - Thimelle, Rosaly, Lillibet, Eden, maybe Tawny but Tawny rarely bugs me.) I think it’s because they got led on, led on, led on, and then something snapped and it was done. Thimelle got the most mileage from her guy, he actually completed parts of a plot. Rosaly got one kiss. Once. For possibly a hundred pages of lead-in, one kiss. And dropped. Right in a garden. Lilli had six of seven years at Hogwarts with her guy, then he bought a house and the bottom fell out. Six years and uh, he didn’t reach second base. Barely reached first. What healthy teenaged guy doesn’t even try for second? Right, there you go. I keep writing these damn fics because I can’t rationalize a guy who never even tries for second (and isn’t gay: enter exhibit Tawny, dating the male best friend. At least there was the hint they got it on, even if they never managed to go on a single date.) And all the girls who didn’t even get STARTED because she was “leaving them for other players.” Yeah, my girls can’t get a partner, but you took ALLLLL the boys. Plus demanded a few more…Yeah, that’s fair. Sure it is.
I put out. Honestly. These boys. Almost seventy of them, in exchange for partners for those four or five girls, and I got short-changed every time. It’s not fair. Am I angry, or just hurt, or what? I mean, it’s honestly not wise for me to rp at all, because I have no real primary relationship - I am not getting my needs met. It seems clever to fish on the side for something harmless, but it’s not so harmless when it explodes like this. Again, and again…and for years. I should know better, but hey, finding someone to put up with me is tough.
Unless they’re cats. Cats are happy to put up with me.
I keep hitting a wall in playing with other people where all I am is an imaginary dick, which isn’t working so well because, well, fuck, it’s been like eight years? more? and I’ve kind of forgotten what sex even feels like anymore. (To be fair, I may have blocked it out. Sex ain’t great, even when I was having it. Yet I like it - with someone who’s willing to work with me.)
Quite sure my latest two boys are going gay for one another…if I can summon up the interest to even write for them. But with no return…what’s the point?
Song: “Birdhouse in Your Soul” - They Might be Giants
10 days til school
4 days til payday
hating life. signin’ off.
Deleted user ⋅ August 27, 2019
:-(