In These Moments... in Just Moments

~Moments. That is all my life seems to be made up of. Happy moments, sad moments, stressful moments... all blending together to make of these random images of what my life should be. I don't understand why, but there never seems to be a continuum of moments, but instead slight precise moments that jut out in my memory and make up the story of my life. Pictures are only collections of the happy moments fortunately and my writings capture the rest of the times. I unfortunately spend a good quantity of my moments depressed or stressed or some other adjective similar to that. I haven't lived a mostly happy life. When I was younger you could say that I was happier but then again I really didn't know any better. Now I do. I know how cruel people are. How uncaring and unsupportive our population is. Most everyone is self-centered only out to better themselves and have as many personal achievements as possible. I'm so sick of how people will put you done only to build themselves up. I don't understand it. I want a different life. I want a different world. I know that I'll never get it and I should just suck it up and live with life the way it is, but I have a hard time believing that this is the best it gets. I like to be hopeful most of the time, but honestly these past few days has been really hard. Its hard to be optimistic when life is crumbling around me. When I'm shut out and left alone when that's the last thing I want. Its hard living these moments sometimes.

~The nice thing about moments is that they all eventually pass. Good bad or indifferent, they all go away. The good ones I never want to end, the bad ones don't end soon enough, but then again there is comfort in the fact that they all end. I guess really I'm just waiting for this current moment to end. End and be done with. But then again this moment could just lead into a worse moment. I'm afraid of that. That the next moments will be worse. I don't know if I could deal with it. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to feel like I'm all alone rejected. I don't want it. I don't want any of it. But sometimes you don't get what you want. And for me it rarely seems like I get what I want, but then again this is my life and that's what I've been given. Moments...