Welp. Anxiety is back on a scale of 1-10? I’m probably at a 15.
I’m exhausted. My cats have kept me awake like every night because they run and chase and run and chase and boots I love him but he grooms and licks so freaking loud it wakes me up. I’m probably running on maybe 3 hours of good sleep a night if that. And I can’t just keep my door shut because they will claw and claw and claw and it’s loud and that wakes me up..
But guess what I should be sleeping, and I can’t because when i got home from gaming, I was so tired and I wasn’t gonna watch my weekly episodes of wings that I DVR for saturday night recording But i should of because that was at 1, and now its 3am.. Why can’t i sleep?
I got hit with FFXIV FC (guild) Drama. I went to check something on the lodestone which is like a character page when I noticed I didn’t have a FC under my name.. I was kicked out and I wasn’t even there to defend myself. Apparently my friend Lua (the artist behind my drawing) Wanted to leave to form her own small FC, and she wasn’t upset or anything, left a nice farewell in a guestbook and the like, and apparently the leader of the FC was super jealous of her popularity (I always compared her to Norm Peterson from cheers, everyone said hi to her, and she is a genuinely nice person and i’m glad to call her a friend, she always made the group a bit more cheery) and kicked anyone out that was friends with her. I was really shocked, stunned and saddened over this. What really is the kicker is I didn’t even get to defend myself, that was super cowardly.
It hit me with a jolt of energy (I found out about 130 am, and its now 3am.) and It just saddens me. These were people I consider friends, and it really hurts.
So with this, combined with a couple other events I kind of dont want to talk about at the moment. Anxiety and depression are back. Hooray.
There I talked about it. I am still not tired. Wait.. I’m tired but i am not able to sleep. Thats better.
I saw a meme once and I might of even posted it on here, there is a difference between sleepy and tired, sleepy is just like oh i can go to sleep, and i am nodding off better go to bed. Tired you are drained of energy, mentally, physically and emotionally. Thats me. I’m tired.
I have no idea when i’m going to bed.