I'm Not Sure... in 2019

I’m really not sure where I’m at currently.

We had already fought about stuff and then the other night we were laying in bed and I was trying to kiss on his neck but he was obviously more interested in his phone so I said fuck it. Then he fell asleep and as I was still up I was playing on my phone and looking at fb. And of course his ex gf popped up in my feed where she apparently posted some meme that said something like “Post this and see how many people say I love you.” And he fucking hearted it. Like really motherfucker.

So the next afternoon I’m just short and all cold shouldery towards him and he’s all what’s wrong? Is it something I did? And so I tell him what’s up and that I have a problem with that. Of course he just thinks I’m being crazy bc he didn’t mean anything by it and she’s his best friend and blah blah blah. We got into it again. I very flatly told him that I tried at first, but he’s not going to change my opinion of her. She’s an attention seeking skank who is always calling my bf whenever she needs anything. And he can either be my bf or her hero but not both. And he acts like of course he’s going to pick me but then tries to defend her and then later says she’s not worth arguing over. I told him he can’t have it both ways… either she’s not worth arguing over or she’s worth defending, not both.

We decided we didn’t want to argue anymore, but I told him I felt this is a serious problem and I’m not going to budge on it.

We were nice to each other today, but I’m in the mode where I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And quite honestly him defending her has really rubbed me the wrong way. And once I get to that just stop caring bc it hurts less if you just shut down mode, it’s hard to steer myself in a different direction.

It really makes me question if I should just end things now and not get anymore invested.

And I was mean about it. He tried to say something about her making progress and actually having a job and I’m like you call that progress? And he’s all yeah I’ve been pushing her for years to blah blah blah so I should just give up now? And I’m like Honestly, people don’t change so you should have given up a long time ago. And I told him I would probably feel better about it if I actually thought they were friends and she wasn’t just using him whenever she sees fit. I mean hell, less than half an hour ago she posted this paragraph on fb basically calling herself a garbage person so that she would get attention from people telling her she’s not a garbage person. No, I’m pretty sure you’re a garbage person who makes really bad life choices and you need to stop calling my bf to bail you out.

Last updated July 10, 2020