I better start buying some Gatorade for my poor husband in A little left of normal

So, as a now official stay at home mother, we have a tight budget. We managed to cut my salary of over 100k, so I created a budget down to the gnats ass. Like, I have a monthly budget for tampons and toothpaste kind of budget- it’s tight but it works. By ‘tight’ I mean we still have enough to go out for dinner twice a month, and we have a ‘hobby’ budget etc, but he’s drinking Genesee beer and I’m looking for discount wine when I’m at the store.

Anyway, the budget has also obviously cut into my reading budget. I’d gotten to the point where I didn’t really look at price tags for things anymore- when you’re part of a DINK (dual income no kids) couple, and you’re nearly pulling in 200k/yr, an extra $5 for a book at Barnes and Noble doesn’t really matter. Now, it does. Accordingly I’ve renewed my membership to the local library- and thank god for that. I can even rent audiobooks from the Libby app for free with my library card, which has been especially useful during the days that are cool enough I can take the kiddo for a walk.

And yes, in case anyone was wondering, she’s still the most adorable baby in the world.

A friend of mine steered me toward the Throne of Glass series by Sarah J Maas a few years ago- which she admitted were classified as ‘Young Adult’ instead of straight up fiction or fantasy. Meh- I gave it a shot- they were good. Definitely got better as the writer got older- the first book was definitely written by a teenager, so the classification made sense.

However, her next series, a Court of Thorns and Roses, while also classified as ‘young adult’ is anything but. There is waaaayyyy too much sucking and fucking in those books for a YA tag IMO. Too many cocks twitching, girls getting spread out over dinner tables while Fae warriors feasted on their pussies.

And hey- don’t get me wrong. They’re great books. But they are straight up lady porn, no matter how you slice it. For real. I haven’t climbed off my poor husband in weeks- I’m fucking the poor man ragged. They’re well written. Call it ‘romance’ all you want, but this isn’t YA shit. What is a young adult anyway? If 18 is considered an ‘adult’ then this is for what… 14, 15, 16 year olds? Describing fellatio in detail right before getting fucked by a monster cock is not what I would consider YA, but hey, maybe I’m old fashioned. Do people really not know what’s inside the typical Harlequin romance novel? It’s typical not ‘romantic’ at all, just FYI.

Every time I crack open one of these though, I keep thinking of that episode of Friends, where Joey finds Rachel’s ‘romance’ book.

Anyway, local libraries also have a Babies and Books thing going on, so that’s cool. Not that I give a shit about other babies, but it’s an excuse to get out of the house. Our sweet kiddo is thankfully ahead of things so far as it comes to most milestones- she’s already wearing and outgrowing 9mo clothes… and she’s not even 4 months yet. What the fuck is with baby sizing anyway? I know that women’s clothing sizing has gone out of control, but there is apparently no standard at all for baby clothing sizes. She’s wearing everything from 3-6mo to 12mo sizes. It’s insanity. She’s super long, but I guess when Daddy is 6‘2” and mommy is 5‘9”, she was bound to be long.

I’m also grateful for the return to reading- it’s always been a joy of mine. Now that I need to quietly kill a few hours here and there while she’s napping, I’ve needed to find quiet hobbies. I can somewhat sew, but not really- the clacking of the sewing machine still wakes her sometimes. Even typing this woke her up just now- the tap of my fingers on the keyboard. So getting back to reading has been amazing. And just one of these Maas books keeps me going for days- at 500-700 pages a pop, it’s an amazing way to spend the hours we can’t be outside while she’s napping.

I’m also beginning to understand how housewives get fat. For real. I was only 4 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight a few weeks after having this kiddo, and then after that at home I gained an additional 6 pounds! Not from being pregnant- but from being bored, at home alone. It gets quiet here- why not snack a little? Chips have always been my vice, and once the initial stress and panic of actually having a newborn in the house went away and my appetite returned, holy shit. It’s now a second job of mine to whittle down my weight again.

Not to mention how weird it feels to be so.... weak? I used to love doing the Jillian Michaels videos because shit- you feel so STRONG once you can do like 20 pushups easily and your shoulders get that nice rounded look. I just like feeling strong- and its hard to do that with a layer of fat. My abdominal muscles have especially taken a hit- I didn’t really get the diastasis recti, but you also can do practically no ab workouts while pregnant. I’ve effectively not worked out for a full year basically. I stayed mostly ‘fit’ by long walks and not binge-eating.

I know every pregnancy is different but it wasn’t until I was actually pregnant that I realized how much our own media and tv influenced what I thought pregnancy would be like. I had no morning sickness- I didn’t realize only like 30% of women really get it. I think one afternoon I had a real problem with chicken on the bone, and that was as close as I got to throwing up. That’s right- I threw up zero times during pregnancy. Apparently that’s the norm too- I did not know that.

And the weight gain thing- I legit thought getting pregnant was a one way ticket to obesity. For real. I could not work out during my pregnancy either- the exhaustion from the first trimester was too real to even move out of my chair when I got home from work. Trimester two I jogged a few times and kept up with walking 10k steps, but that was it. Trimester 3 was again walking- but shit my pelvis hurt like fuck by that time. After the c-section fluids had worked their way out of my system- I wasn’t really too far from my original weight. I didn’t do anything crazy either- i wasn’t working out every day and watching my calories- I didn’t count a single calorie I ate. I didn’t use the pregnancy as an excuse to start eating at All-You-Can-Eat buffets either though. Just simple moderation, but I ate my share of greasy chinese, sure. It’s just another thing they make you believe- if you don’t work out like crazy and really watch what you eat while you’re pregnant- you’re going to be fat. And that fat will last FOREVER.

Nope.

Anyway, now that I’m home and bored, and I realized that I would get fat very soon if I didn’t watch things, I’ve strictly begun measuring everything I’ve eaten and started to count my calories. I’ve lost 4 pounds in… 3 weeks I think of doing this. So that’s good.

Husband is also super encouraging- he’s such a sweet man. He told me 3 days ago that obviously he’s always found me attractive no matter what, but that’s he’s noticed a difference. That was really nice. And naturally made me want to fuck him even more. Christ… when does he get home already? I better start buying some Gatorade for my poor husband.

Last updated August 22, 2019