August 17, 2019 in Productivity Diary
Revised: 08/18/2019 12:58 p.m.
- Aug. 17, 2019, midnight
- |
- Public
I feel like I’m having an anxiety attack. I’m just so, so nervous. Two more days. What if things don’t go well? What if I’m late and technology breaks down and I don’t know what to do? What if I can’t pronounce a clear English word for my own sake? What if I couldn’t breathe and my mouth is constantly dry? I’m just so, so nervous. So much anxiety. I never understood the concept of “anxiety attack.” Now I guess it’s like feeling nervous, but it overtakes your body, in a larger scale.
I am so nervous. I am so worried and I won’t do well.
But you know what? If I don’t do well or if I have nothing left to say and they have nothing left to ask, I’ll let them go early. They’ll be happy with it. Will I get in trouble with the higher authorities? So nervous. I should just get up and do something. So very nervous right now.
Last updated August 18, 2019
Deleted user ⋅ August 19, 2019
I am sure this is very anxiety provoking but I am also sure you will do very well :-)
dancingstrawberry Deleted user ⋅ August 19, 2019
Ah yes! It's my first time teaching, I think awkwardness and anxiety are to be expected, but I still don't enjoy them :-P
Deleted user dancingstrawberry ⋅ August 19, 2019
Was it as uncomfortable as you anticipated ?
dancingstrawberry Deleted user ⋅ August 23, 2019
WOA thank you for asking!
Well it the moment it wasn't bad :P. A few hiccups here and there but I managed to get through them and just carried on thought I knew they were totally noticeable! And then when I'm home, rethinking what I was saying in class cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe LOL
Deleted user dancingstrawberry ⋅ August 23, 2019
They probably did not even notice! Every day you will get more comfortable . Is it a huge lecture hall and what are you teaching ? Just curious. I come from a family of teachers :-)
dancingstrawberry Deleted user ⋅ August 23, 2019
Wonderful! I'd appreciate any advice! I've been asking around a lot for advice and ideas!
The size of my two classes is actually only 30 students each :P. Sadly, not quite large enough so I could just focus on lecturing on and on, nor is it small enough so I could comfortably interact and engage with students (I'm too introverted!).
I teach philosophy at college level. It's part of the requirements for my PhD stipend. It's a small college with only two PhD programs though, hence the classes are small.
Deleted user dancingstrawberry ⋅ August 24, 2019
I found in college the teachers I learned the most from , talked to me , learned my name and asked if I needed help . I still remember those ones clearly and what they taught . I went to ISU , with lecture halls of 300 or so in the class , so often it was on the student to initiate “ knowing “ the teacher. I showed up at their “ office hours”’. Now the only communication seems to be e- mails. :-( so students are mostly just unknown entities .
dancingstrawberry Deleted user ⋅ August 25, 2019
Definitely, I would try to care about them as persons, if they show up to office hours and need help, but it's definitely up to them to show up! It's hard as a new teacher, too, and I'm not even sure this will be my ultimate career XD
Deleted user dancingstrawberry ⋅ August 25, 2019
I get that :-) I thought from reading you are looking into law. Teaching is hard :-( . I hope if you have to do it that it goes well for you !
dancingstrawberry Deleted user ⋅ August 26, 2019
Yeah I'm looking into law too. I'm not really sure how one is supposed to decide. I'm an international student in the US so I cannot take off school to think about it. I just have to decide while working hard for a degree that I may or may not be finishing XD
dancingstrawberry Deleted user ⋅ August 26, 2019
But of course I just have to remind myself that MY life seems hard because I compare it to some people's lives and not others'!