Today I filmed a cooking show on Snapchat for my brother from another mother and friend Max. He records this show, named “Max’s Bachelor Kitchen” with the premise that he is a lonely little boy that has to use his penchant for mixing things up for breakfast to woo women before they leave his house, so they come back (he hasn’t had a women over to date, yet.) The kind guy he is, Max was going to help a friend move and wasn’t going to have a show this Tuesday. Well, since I’m on forced vacation and slowly losing the concept of organized time, I decided that I could film his show and it’d go easy.
I never want to star, direct, edit and film my own show ever again.
The cooking part is easy to me. I am so goddamned lazy though, my friends know I don’t make anything in the kitchen unless the heart of a lady is involved. I made a seasoned egg bake covered in meat, cheese, with Texas toast and ‘cowboy caviar’ - a salsa of sorts - and set out to film this monstrosity. It took me close to 2 and a half hours by the end and I was over it for sure. I give Max complete respect; Having to film it, usually one handed with a phone, doing multiple takes, and editing the clip all before you post it - was a tremendous amount of work just to do for fun. I mocked some of the same jokes Max makes during his show; he usually uses Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” when whipping eggs - his young fresh out of college oven mitts are layered Crown Royale whiskey bags - he shouts out and dedicates words to friends with one handed egg cracks - he ends every show with a ‘see you next Tuesday’ (something that I cut out on accident and never noticed so the show just ended abruptly.)
Max is a close friend and he has been there for almost whatever he could be there for in the past couple of years, whether it be a ride to work or home, someone to vent to, or more times than not, the younger sibling that babysits the drunken, soggy old mess of an older brother you see in indie movies. He’s been there through thick and thin and hasn’t had to and I’ve never asked him to be - it’s something I greatly appreciate and will never be able to repay him enough - even if I secure him a date or 4 with my witty charm as a wingman.
Any thoughts of me doing anything film related by myself were almost completely dashed by this cooking show. I already hate watching myself on a screen and unless I’m whiskey drunk I feel awkward, slow, mumbly. While I did it and it went off mainly problem free, I don’t recommend cooking, cleaning and preparing food with one hand and holding a phone with the other. The dish was amazing, but of course I made enough for 6 people. So, clearly, that’s all I’m eating for the next two days. Sometimes I need a reminder like this that I really can cook and bake and I should really stop being such a bum and make food not just for pretty girls. All in all, it was a good time and helped the house arrest go by that much more.