Dealing with break up in All Out of Balance

I ended things with Chicago, but we’re trying to figure out how to be friends. My heart is not hurt, but I know his is. I had to be honest with him about what was in my mind, but it didn’t mean I had to make it hurt worse. I think we’ll figure it out though.

Cali’s metamour broke up with him yesterday. They were friends long before they were lovers, but she sounds like she’s ending the friendship as well.

Cali might be leaving the city to go back to the west coast for work. He has to decide soon because his job is giving him an ultimatum.

I don’t want to see Cali leave and I don’t want to see him in pain. To be frank I’m pissed at her for breaking up with him the way she did because he deserves better. He’s been through a lot and found joy when he spent time with his friends, her, and I. I never met her, but I felt an odd comfort when he was in Cali that she was there for him and brought him joy. This same woman was the cause of my jealousy, because they were friends first, I felt they had a stronger relationship, and it made me question whether or not I was just someone to keep around when she wasn’t near.

Cali and I have gotten very close over the last 7 months, but I feel like there’s still so much that I don’t know. I hold back my thoughts and feelings sometimes even though I shouldn’t. I want to be there for him, but he never asks anything of me. Even though he did say he tends to ask indirectly and I just seem to rise to the occasion. I still end up feeling guilty as if I’m asking for too much.

At this point I just want to be there for him. When he told me he felt empty, I instantly felt useless because I knew there was nothing I could do to make him feel better. All I can do is be there for him as he goes through this. Not only does he have to mourn the loss of a lover, but the loss of a friend. I don’t understand why she ended things so harshly as if he did something malicious. I get it if it was the distance, because sometimes that’s hard on me too. But he made sure to priortize her, communicate, check in, and be there for her. I know this because I was there, I saw it, and we would talk about it.

For my own personal comfort it’s important to me to talk about metamours, because if we don’t it’s like out of site out of mind. It makes it hurt when I find out something last minute as opposed to knowing things before they happen and the thought process so it’s not a shock. Don’t let me find out that you’re going on vacation with her and here are the dates. Let me know when it was first being planned so when i hear the dates nothing is a surprise.

He needs time to process this loss. To make it worse he was still getting over a long term relationship, but that’s from 2yrs ago. But it doesn’t mean it hurts any less and this compounded on top of it just makes it seem even worse. I don’t want to lose him to his own despair. Especially if he leaves the city in the next two months, and he needs that time to process his break up with her. Just thinking that I’ve lost him sooner than I expected hurts even more.

I went to him last night bc I figured he didn’t want to be alone. I was worried about overstepping my boundaries bc when I asked him if he needed space or wanted me near he said it was up to me. I was originally going to stay home but 2hrs later he text me if I decided and something told me go to him, bc he just doesn’t know how to ask me to be there for him right now.

I spent the day being lazy with him, and tonight I’ll stay home. But he knows he has me tomorrow night because we already made plans to do something fun.

If Cali is anything like me, this will take him at least 2 months and maybe closer to 6 months to get over. The time they spent together and how he valued her, this is my best guess. I just hope it won’t take away from him enjoying my company and impacting our time together in a negative way bc right now it is.