boundaries in 2019

1:47pm

I don’t know why I’m not updating as much as I should. There are always so many things to say. I guess I’m simply not taking the time to sit down and type it all out. My social life is slightly busier, but I really do want to type these thoughts out. Perhaps it’s because I am so used to coming in here and retelling events with details I can remember/reminisce on in the future. It might be easier to give less detail and at least have something. Better than nothing, right?

So let’s see what I can ramble on about today:

Things with EC are going really well. We just hit one month yesterday. We had to have a conversation about what day we were going with as the “official” day since he kinda asked me to be his girlfriend while we were making out in the driveway the night of the 29th. It could have very well been after midnight. haha. So we went with the 30th instead. It made more sense to go with the day that we were both sober and not all over each other. =P We had a good laugh about it all though. He said it would be a pretty funny story to tell in the future, which is so true!

Well, maybe I won’t tell my mom that story. haha. Speaking of which, I really wanted to see EC yesterday but I’d already kinda made plans since it was Taco Tuesday. He called me around noon and it really seemed like he wanted to hang out and well long story short: I convinced him to come with us. He was already technically getting off work since he’d gone in at 3am. He did have other plans [the gym, shopping, etc] but oops. I told him I’d try to make it the last time I corrupt him since I’ve been feeding him pizza/wings and then I took him out to drink on a Tuesday. haha! It just made perfect sense to bring him along on our traditional Tuesday escapade, especially with it being our “anniversary”.

I did feel a little weird with my mom being there. She’s around a lot. And I mentioned to him that she wouldn’t always be there and I promise to make time for just the two of us. He didn’t care though. He said he likes hanging out with us and that he thinks mom is cool. [He calls her mom haha] I mean, she is but I didn’t want it to be weird for him. He assured me it’s not weird at all.

I’m telling y’all that I got lucky with this one! How many men would be willing to hang out with your mom?? Especially so early on. I did tell him that mom and I were bonded, we’ve been together forever [ha], and he was new to this game so it would take some time to make any changes. He totally understands though and I am so lucky to have him.

I do wonder some times if this is real. I’ve been single my whole life. No body’s ever really been worth giving that up for and yet this has been so damn easy! During our afternoon phone call the day before yesterday we were talking about all this making it to a month stuff. He said that some times he forgets I’m his girlfriend because we get along so well and we’re actually friends. We agreed that that’s how we both wanted it to be and I said that if it wasn’t like that, if we couldn’t be friends as well as more, then we were probably with the wrong person.
It really has been that easy though. I haven’t second guessed a single aspect of this! The more I get to know him the more I’m starting to realize that he really is an honest man, sometimes even when I don’t want him to be, and that is exactly what I’ve always wanted. I want a friend. I want a strong foundation. I want to be completely honest. I want to communicate all things. And, so far, I think that’s what I’ve found. He’s good to me. I try to give in to him a little more and compromise on some things because I know he’s being extremely patient with me. Also, I am learning that my boundaries on things are a lot less existent than I thought they were. haha. whoops.

I won’t get into it now, it probably needs its own entry, but there have been a lot of makeout sessions and it’s getting difficult for me to continue to have to tell him “no” to certain things. I mean, he’s not pushing me at all or trying to pressure me into anything! He’s very respectful and listens pretty immediately to my requests. It’s just the act of having to say no over and over again. I’m not a robot. I don’t exactly want him to stop, but I have to. And I think the thing is that we haven’t firmly established boundaries of any kind other than saying that I’m celibate. What I really need to do is be a grown up and talk to him when we’re both sober. To say to him, “here is what we can and cannot do. I cannot compromise on these boundaries. Please do not try to push passed them. Thank you.” Because saying no hurts my heart. haha. Honestly, I’m a little afraid that at some point I’m going to forget to say no and I don’t want that to happen. I want us to both be in this together and I think he’ll be on board with that.

I do want to check-in to make sure this is something he’s going to be able to deal with long term because it’s not something that will change. I need to know that he can handle it and I think he should know by now whether or not he’ll be able to deal.

It’s the end of the night now, and I just had a phone call with him a little bit ago. We didn’t talk about this particular topic because it’s something I want to do in person. Probably this weekend. But something did come up that I want to mention. We were talking about different weekend plans and it came up that next weekend the neighbours might want him to house sit. It’s not for sure yet but it’s an idea. That same weekend we have a quinceanera to attend. It’s a party he asked me to attend way back on like our 1st date. It’s supposed to be pretty fancy and it turns out to be the daughter of my aunt’s old neighbours whom we used to hang out with. That was a funny coincidence.
But anyway it’s that same weekend and I’ll admit that the moment he told me they wanted him to stay at the house I immediately thought about having a space alone to ourselves. I mean, I can’t help myself that my mind would wander that way. We have good chemistry so far. But this is exactly what I’m talking about with needing boundaries because without those we can suddenly be in a house alone together and it might get out of our control. I can see that pretty easily happening. It turns hot and heavy basically every weekend. And the thing is that I’m clearly getting more out of it than he is. He’s always really into it but I feel bad that he’s not getting more. I don’t know. It’s something to talk about. So I just want to make sure that we’re still on the same page and it’s something that we can both continue to handle.

This isn’t exactly where I intended this entry to go but oh well. It is something I’ve been meaning to talk about. I really do need to write more often so that I can mix stuff in that isn’t all EC related. haha. Y’all know this is new and different for me though so it has to come out as well.

For now, bed.

rose.
10:12pm