July 27, 2019 in Productivity Diary

Good old Prosebox. Here we go again. Another day. Let me give up any attachment to results and just do things.

I have to finish this paper but I just cannot do this. How do I know, since I absolutely hate writing a research paper like this, if I should get another career or if I should push through? Every academic should experience this, right?

I’m really just so tired and feeling so low. I need motivation. Anything. I cannot just stop working like this. I have to keep going, no matter what. I have to give up things I no longer have the energy for.
-15 minutes writing this darn paper for the conference
-10 minutes Latin
-15 minutes writing this darn paper for the conference
-10 minutes reading a comp book
-15 minutes writing this darn paper for the conference
-10 minutes reading about “friendship”

3:20 PM 15 minutes writing this darn paper for the conference
3:35 PM 10 minutes Latin
3:46 PM I’ll take a quick 5 minute break
4:03 PM That was NOT a 5 minute break. Anyway, 15 minutes writing this darn paper for the conference.
4:19 PM Time to self-reward. I’m actually happy with how my paper is progressing. It’s decent. I just need to be done-done, and then I’ll work on other projects. 10 minutes reading a comp book
4:34 PM 5 minutes break
4:45 PM Again, that was NOT a 5 minute break, but I’m actually working. Working gives me energy or something. I should know this. Prosebox always helps me with working. Why wouldn’t I start this earlier in the day? 15 minutes writing this darn paper for the conference.
5:07 PM I feel like I’m done with the paper already, although I still have a lot to edit. Maybe I’ll get better with writing papers? That would be great. 10 minutes reading about “friendship”.

I actually went to the gym, and then turned around and walked out because I saw someone there whom I’d rather not exercise next to nor see. It was embarrassing, yeah. I decided to walk/run outdoors instead. Luckily my sister wasn’t there to witness it. Phew. And luckily it was beautiful outside. I was very thankful.

Thank you, Prosebox. I think I’m feeling really good about my paper for the conference. I’ll give it a night’s rest. I should be preparing for teaching. I should email Dr. T asking him to be my mentor.

I need to keep improving my French, but the stories on Duolingo are getting so hard!

Okay, plan for tonight. I don’t get how my sister can be so diligent. She is so hard-working.
-10 minutes teaching prep
-10 minutes reading for comps

I’m taking it easy tonight, because I feel like it. So yeah, only these two.

9:06 PM 10 minutes teaching prep
9:21 PM 5 minutes– diverge to reading about friend
9:28 PM Get up and turn off the AC
9:34 PM 5 minutes Latin, as a punishment for me being weak-minded.
9:42 PM 10 minutes reading for comps
9:59 PM I got distracted. Ok. 10 minutes teaching prep
10:14 PM 10 minutes reading for comps

Here’s my thing. My punishment for myself. I was sick and tired of obsessing about the lives of these girls I was jealous of, so I set the rule that whenever they crossed my mind, I would spend 5 minutes learning Latin. The reasoning was, to show myself that, if I wanted to torture myself, I had other means to do that!! … Anyway, so that worked out real well, hence I decided to keep on with that: any time I’m haunted by the humiliating memory of the romantic rejection, I’m going to spend 5 minutes reading something which might make my dissertation topic.

So there it goes: Marisa: 5 minutes Latin. Andrew: 5 minutes reading for research.

The problem became that I was doing so much Latin. Maybe I should reverse it?

Last updated July 29, 2019