Tested in Just Call Me Your Lunatic Friend. Welcome To The Madness.

What does it mean to be tested? For me it was to be put through things other people don’t know about. I was good at it. Truth is, nobody on here knows I used to be married.

I didn’t mention it over on DE because the friends I had on DE were all female. And I was afraid a woman and her friendship would evaporate if she knew anther woman had been closer than any other had discarded me like a fast food wrapper from yesterday’s lunch.

She had a name that reminds me of a pet cow but she went by the name of Sis. When we met, honestly I was in a bad place when it came to my opinion of myself. I was then in my 30’s and no romantic prospects anywhere on the horizon.

It comes back to my family. I introduced them in a pr3vious entry. Some may recallmy father was a pastor. At this time he was an stant pastor at, for us, was a large church that approximately 900 people in attendance and I was honestly often front and center.

I was the music departments main drummer, Ther were 3 or 4 drummers in the church but I was considered “th best”. *shrugs”

Also, I became one of the regularly featured solo vocalist, so welcome to more eyeballs on me.

So then finally, I became an actor. Yup. I played Ebeneezer Scroooge in the church’s annual Chtristmas product on of The Gospel according to Scrooge. It ran for several years during the holiday season. Ended up I got the part because I was the only males in the troupe that could fake a sort of English accent.

I loved that time of life and gained a measure of local renowned. Our director was a former small time Hollywood agent who still had some contacts I guess. He invited a lady from the Los Angeles Times and she reviewed our production for the paper. I fell in love with the instant feedback from a live audience.

During this time my now ex-wife began our relationship. Biggest mistake of my life. Let us just say I have a new understanding of abused wives and why they sometimes try to tough it out.

See, sometimes she would leave bruises and marks after hitting me or throwing things at me. Men bruise too.

She tried, at the end, to make me feel shame for changing a t-shirt because I was trying to make her feel guilty by shoving my bruises in her face. It is weird how two people could view the same reality and apparently come away with two very differing testimonies as to what happened.

That is a taste of the physical abuse. But there were the mental and psychological abuse as well. Going so far as making fun of my appearance in front of her daughter’s, my step-daughters and literally forbidding any form of correction of the girls. I had three step-daughters that I loved deeply. But because I was not the biological father of any of them, She expected me to adopt an anything goes attitude even if I physically saw the girls doing something harmful.

Eventually, She came into the master bedroom at approximately 2 AM on a work night to wake me and inform me she had been to see an attorney with her aunt and she hadalledgedlhy started the process of filing a restraining order against me.

She could have not had done any legal process against me without having perjured herself in the process. She knew that during the imparation of each of the bruises on my body, I never once raised a hand against her or her daughter’snot even to defend myself.

I’m sorry for never revealing this to my friends on here. I have grown to care deeply and truly love. But, in reality, this abuse in my past made me question my masculinity and how could a woman see me as manly. I am ashamed of myself. Please forgive me.

Now you know how I dare claim I have been tested.

Be good humans.