depression, naps, cat therapists, to poor for vacation in Misadventures of West Virginia Woman

Today wasnt a good mental health day for me. I read a story about the last time Calvin and Hobbes talked before Calvin gave Hobbes to his grandson and he died shortly after. It made me think of the cold December night dad died. I ended up crying holding his lighthouse tapestry that i inherited. I couldnt stop crying. I have no insurance to get psychiatric help so i use this diary as my therapist. I took a sleeping pain to numb the pain. I slept most of the day away to wake up to a tiny nibble on my hand. Ash the kitten decided night time over it is time to play. I played with Ash and his mother Harley tears in my eyes till slowly they dried away. I guess in a way my 4 cats Harley, Ziggy, Coal and Ash are my therapists. No insurance is required with them however cat food and pets are payment.

I have been holding on to my last $11 for my dear life. Lately instead of shopping i have been going on walks today i walked to Hot Designs Printed T Shirts on Ritter Drive its about 1/2 mile one way from the mobile home court where i live. Traffic on that road is very busy. It got dark so i turned the flashlight on my phone so people driving could see me.I have been trying to find a safe place to walk near Daniels that doesnt require a long drive to get there. I dont like walking near the main road i fear i might get hit by a car. I wish i could afford a gym membership.

Joanns says i cant start working till next week. I hate asking my husband for money it makes me feel like a failure. I cant wait till i get back to work. I feel so defenseless!

On Thursday my dishwasher is coming in. Mom bought it as a late birthday present. When i was younger i thought people were ridiculous getting excited on The Price is Right over electronics and house appliances. I am in my 30s barely surviving my pitiful ass gets excited over anything. I am excited not to have to scrub dishes every night! I cant wait to have it installed in.

Bad news for Coal on Thurday he is getting neutered. After Harley weans baby Ash she is getting fixed too. We have been budgeting very carefully to fix Coal.

I really wish our air conditioner worked. Our heatpump used to work great bit due to the fan tearing up last year we depend on fans and open windows to get by. Sometimes my mobile home feels like a tin can in hell. Lucky me tonight it cooled off a little and it is now comfortable.

I wish i could tell you i was having vacations, traveling the world, was getting paid for pictures on instagram, have massages, and bought the newest and best cars but i know that is a lie! You take me as i am. God knows i dont have the energy to form an imaginary life.. Honest to God due to my income my main goal is a nap. Night Prosebox.