pressured to get pregnant in Misadventures of West Virginia Woman

Random noter: I think if someone doesn't want kids they shouldn't have them, but if you just have a problem with being pregnant and not with having a child (since you mentioned adoption) then maybe discuss with your husband and try to compromise? It's a very personal decision, I hate when other people try to convince those who don't want to have them that they should.

It's not fair that anyone tries to pressure you into having a child. Children are not for everyone. Yes, being a mother is pretty great, but it's also really hard, exhausting and expensive. It's such a personal thing and no woman should be forced into it.

Girl, last thing you need is a baby. Everyone wants the best for their children. How are you going to feel when you can't even give your child anything. You struggle now. Kids cost money and it gets more expensive as they get older. How are you going to feel when you can't afford school trips/field trips, school pictures, or when you child wants a specific toy or outfit? Christmas? Food? Right now you can barely afford food for yourself.

I've been in your corner since starting to read your diary. You seem to have a sensible head on your shoulders. However, you have been dealt a crappy hand in the game of life in regard to where you live. I've got news for you "it ain't gonna get any better" there where you live. You need to get out which I know is much easier said than done.

However, your husband is a piece of work. Marrying that guy is probably one of the worst decisions you have made. He is useless and demeaning and abusive to you. How will he treat children? Do you honestly see him changing and stepping up to the plate and becoming a loving, supportive husband and father and providing for you all?

You think you struggle now? Wait til you have a baby.

He wants a baby? Tell him to go elsewhere.

I'm sorry, but Beret said everything I might not have had the nerve to say. Babies never solve problems, they just make existing problems worse. From everything I've read about your husband, he is not going to step up to the plate and be father of the year, getting up in the middle of the night to change poopy diapers so you can have some rest. You are struggling now to put food on the table and gas in your car. Both of you need to work just to barely make ends meet. So who will be taking care of a baby while you work? Childcare is very expensive. Unless you have a friend who wants to do it, but will that be dependable, and will it be someone you trust, someone who shares your values and how you want your child raised?

You asked for an opinion. I'm going to come at it from another direction. I still say don't do it but from a slightly different direction. Slightly, because others have touched on this - your husband demeans you and belittles you. He makes you feel badly about yourself. He makes you cry. You love him. You've said that. That's what makes domestic abuse so diffcult to leave. I know. I also know that a tactic abusive men might make are to get you pregnant, so you are even more dependent on him in the future. Then he has all the control over you and your child. You will not be able to work, because child care will be too expensive. You will be forced to stay home and stay as you are raising his child. I could go on, but I don't want my own mind to go there. Believe me when I say I have lived through abuse. As strong as it's helped me become in my life, it was the absolute scariest and most difficult time in my life. If you have any inkling of depression now, it will be ten-fold. So that's the angle I'm taking. I don't know you or your husband, but I've read you long enough. My heart wants what is best for you. I want to see you win this life. By win, I mean pull yourself up and into better. You have dreams and goals, and I would love to read about you overcoming them someday. I believe in you. I don't know what you do for birth control, but you might consider finding a planned parenthood or somewhere you can get birth control free (in our state anyone can get free birth control) or on a sliding scale. You need to know you are controlling this situation as I would hate to think he busts condoms on accident to suit his whims. Just think really hard on this. Hugs. Now is the time you might need to gather all the strength you have. We have your back here. You have our moral support.