quick talk in 2019

6.28.19 - 11:28pm

I don’t have much important to say. Please skip. Just getting thoughts out since I know there will be more to write after tomorrow.

Also I dislike typing on this tiny phone.

Ok. I went to get the laptop because there was no way I was going to be able to get all these words out. It would have taken me an hour to do what I can do in about 10 minutes on here.

So yeah, I just want to get some thoughts out because I’m supposed to go on a “date” with EC tomorrow. I think we’re calling this a date? I’m not sure. hah. I’ve never actually made it to a second date before so I’ll be shocked if it happens. At the same time, it feels a lot like our first date. I mean, sure, yeah we went out before but it was for a couple hours only. This is like a whole afternoon and things are definitely different between us right now.

He called me tonight, after I got home, and we talked for a while. We’ve talked every day on the phone since I got back home from the WI trip, except the day of the concert. It’s nice to keep that streak going. He did say during the call that it was interesting how much we were talking lately. Basically he said that when he first met me he thought I was a “nice girl” but that I was “a little country.” Now to me “country” means “white” but I don’t know. He said that I was taking it too far but I was just teasing him and giving him a hard time. It’s funny though. I’ve noticed the same changes. And I really am curious as to what has changed.

Every thing is pretty much the same for me. Nothing has changed recently. But things have clearly changed for him. I want to know what it was. Like what made you go from thinking I’m just a nice girl to actually being interested in me?
The one good thing I can say in all of this is that I’ve totally been myself around him. 100%. I haven’t tried to be anyone I’m not. I’m not pretending to impress him. It’s just me. All of me. Only me. That’s what’s been so nice about being around the neighbours. Just that I can finally feel like myself again. And he’s been there for all of that. So you either like me or you don’t, but at least I can guarantee that I have always been myself.

I guess a part of me hopes that he can understand that. That what you see is what you get. I’ve tried to tell him that I’m really straightforward, like I would never say something I didn’t mean, but I don’t know what he’s thinking. I’m really looking forward to tomorrow as a whole but I am also looking forward to finally being able to sit and talk with him. I think there’s a lot to go over. There’s a lot about each other we don’t know.

Not only do I want to know every thing about him, but I want him to know every thing about me. There’s so much he doesn’t know. I’m such a private person and I don’t open up to people easily. I’ve honestly never been so comfortable with anyone in my life. It’s just been so easy. Have I said that before? ha. But it has. I haven’t had to overthink or overanalyze any of it! I haven’t worried about it. I haven’t had any second thoughts about any of it. I’ve just gone with it, and enjoyed it, and just let it take me where ever it may lead. I really like that.

I always thought I was supposed to feel this obsessive kinda connection to someone and I’m slowly but surely realizing that it isn’t about that. I don’t have to be obsessed with someone to want them! I don’t have to let it consume me to the point where I lose myself.

Honestly, I don’t know what’s going to happen here. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. I want to tell him so much. He told me yesterday that he has a ton of questions for me and I’m curious about that. I hope we can discuss all of the real things that need to be discussed. I hope to find answers.

I’m comfortable. I’m happy. I’m learning to be a bigger, better person. I like the me I am right now.

He said something yesterday about how never fighting would be the ideal fairy tale but that the reality was that people will eventually have an argument in a relationship, and the point was to work through it, meet in the middle, and continue to move forward. And when the heck did this guy learn to say all the right answers?! I mean seriously! He coulda tried to bullsh*t me with something about how we’d never fight but instead he explained it so logically. It makes perfect sense. That’s exactly how things should be.

I wonder if it triggers something inside of me. Something that makes me feel like he’s saying all the right things and they don’t mean anything. But at the same time he’s certainly not saying what I want to hear.

I don’t know. I’m a little nervous. I’m curious. I think a lot will change, or be cleared up, after tomorrow.

The plan right now is that he’ll text/call when he leaves work. It sounds like he’s going to go home and then drive back here to get me. It’s about a 20 minute drive and I offered, multiple times, to meet him in his town but he insisted in coming to pick me up. Ok. Fine. I offered and that’s that. With the timeline he gave me tonight we’ll probably have like 3 hours to eat/drink before the movie, which seems like kinda a lot but we’ll see. Then we’ll watch the movie and he said something about maybe bar hopping after. There’s at least one bar we want to hit that has some good beer on tap. I already gave him my speech on not getting into the truck with him if he’s had too much to drink. He seems to be on board with everything, which is great. After that maybe a frosty? I’ve been bugging him about that forever and he’s never had one. haha. Who knows though. He’ll drive me back at the end of the night and if it’s early enough we’ll go to the neighbours or he’ll probably just go over there to crash if it’s late.

It sounds like a good plan. I’m happy and excited for it. I hope it turns out well.

But I guess I always hope for the best and prepare for the worst, right?

rose.
12:18am