I imagine that most of you know I am crazy about my Harley Davidson. I have owned it just thriteen months and it is still new to me.
I try to ride as much as possible. I feel like I am trying to catch up, trying to learn and be more confident.
I had wanted a Harley all my life. The influences came from my cousin having a dresser back in the 60's. Then the guy who went under a trailer of a rig that pulled out in front of him, in front of my house. And then there were the Gypsy's and the Pagan's, two Motorcycle Clubs that live in my childhood neighborhood.
I knew I had to have a Harley.
I was never able to afford one. The closest I came was one Christmas my mother gave me a toy Harley and said with malice in front of my family and my new wife, "this is the only Harley you will ever own".
A few years after I met D she bought a Suzuki, a small 250 bike. She took her safety classes and rode regularly. I got a little purple scooter and we rode together. We spent a lot of time riding and it was great. But I had anaccident on the scooter, which really pointed out that a big guy needs a full sized bike.
With the scooter out of comission, I asked if I could ride her Suzuki, but I was never given permission. Since I was no longer riding, she eventually stopped riding and left her bike out in the weather uncovered.
Last year I found a used Harley at the local dealership and I bought it. This extremely angered D. I had not really talked to her about it, and what little was said I told her I would not get it. When I returned to the dealership to tell the salesman the deal was off, I made the mistake of sitting on the bike and fired it up. This over rode everything and I said lets get the paperwork.
There was a long period of time where D was angry at me for buying my bike. In hope of smoothing things out I started working on her bike as it now would not run due to sitting so long. I got it running, fixed chewed wiring, but it still had to go to a shop to get fixed correctly.
We have ridden together about 5 times in the last year. Nothing big, nothing over about 10 miles.
Recently we had a few lovely days, temps in the upper 60's - 70's. But she managed to find a reason to not go. More and more she finds excuses to not ride with me.
I found a club to ride with, a family club. Well they ride the Highways and D feels her bike will not run over 45 mph, so we do not go.
When I ride alone it is misery.
God forbid an ambulance should pass our house as when I get home she is standing in the door crying. She is in consant fear and anxiety of something happening to me. That is nice till it grows in intensity.
Now she does not want me riding to work as I leave before sunrise and she does not want me riding in the dark. This then translates into any riding after work must be done in a manner that gets me home before dark. Short rides only. It is like a smothering effect, or worse a feeling I am not trusted. Which was an issue in the beginning, she accused me of getting this to pick up girls! In the beginning it was so bad I would leave my bike in the driveway unlocked, hoping someone would steal it.
Now there is a Bike Rally back in my old hometown. A few of my friends on Facbook informed me about it. We started making plans to meet, go out and stay clean and sober. I was super excited. I decided to trailer my Harley and her Suzuki up, stay at a nice hotel in town so we could ride to the rally and then ride around town. I felt so great, so happy about this as it looked like it may be coming to fruition.
Then last evening over dinner I brought up the subject.
Her face spoke volumes as the words rolled off her lips.
She questioned my renting a trailer. I explained that my trailer needs tires and is only 6 feet long, our bikes are longer then this.
Then she questioned the roads, the speed limits. I told her that the main road where the hotel is was a 45mph zone, then coming into town it was 35mph, dropping to 25mph - 30mph.
She questioned about riding the Parkway. I said it is limited to 45mph and they strictly enforce that and it is a great ride.
Then she asked about topography, how big where the mountains. I told her it was all residental, nothing terrible to ride thru.
Then it come out.
She does not want to embaress me by her riding a non Harley.
FUCK IT!
I told her that this is an open rally, a festival, ALL BIKES! But I could still see it in her face, that scowling frown of upset. I told her we could just leave her bike, I could go to the rally, she could hangout with her girl friend that lives in the town and visit with an older friend that lives there and has a restaurant. Then she tells me that her g/f may be here then, and that she does not want to drive the truck into the downtown area to see her old friends place.
So I said fuck it, I will not go.
We rumbled back forth as we drove home. At the house I could not help it and I said it....
God damn it! I wish I had never bought that fucking Harley.
I have such fun riding it. I love tinkering with it. I love washing it, detailing it, waxing it. I love the roar of the exhaust. I love feeling I have finally accomplished something I always wanted.
But I hate the problems it has caused between us. I hate having someone think of me as a haphazard child, disaster lurking, waiting, looking for me every time I take it out. I hate how everytime we talk about bills I hear the same rumblings about saving, being careful, of feeling for the blame of things. I actually stopped my retirement contribution to use it for my bike payment. Yes, in the beginning I was guilty of buying a lot of Harley t-shirts. Yes I bought a used Harley leather jacket, and my helmet was on sale, less than $100 for a Harley full face helmet.
I am tired of feeling beat down over this bike.
Then, that line about not wanting to embaress me by her not riding a Harley. I found a used Sportster that I could afford and offered to get it for her, but she refused. Then she talks about buy a Victory, excuse me, that is nonHarley too.
So now I am filled with angst, hurt, anger, and this effects everything.
Simply put.....
Fuck it.
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