The Path in 2014

Things seem to be going smoothly lately. I'm taking more control over my life in terms of what I want to do. What I want to do has changed, but I'm still getting better at reducing my cognitive dissonance. I used to go to every hangout in my group of friends, be it something planned or something last minute. I've been staving off on them to focus on working out and playing bass. It's important to me to do those things and I've had to fight to make time for them. I'm sure I will catch some flak for being less social but I don't really care. I was once straightedge, partially to get better at resisting peer pressure. I've gotten worse at it, so now I'm trying to work on it. I do seem to be easily suggestible when it comes to friends. Last night I knew I was going to go to the gym, and before that someone wanted to go to Dairy Queen, so I did. Haha, big mistake. I maybe finished half of my blizzard and then was repulsed. Still went to the gym, but yeah, unnecessary and not even really wanted. I get easily distracted, so I'm working on that.

I feel like a stronger version of myself ten years ago. I want the things I wanted back then. Things are different, and my environment and friends are different, but I seem to have reverted to the persona that lies at my core. I want to become a musician, and have been working on learning bass again. My roommate got me Rocksmith 2014 as an early birthday present. I had actually intended to play anyway the day that I received it, but it's nonetheless been a powerful catalyst. I've been going to the gym at worst every other day, at best every day. I'm growing my hair out, because I've always wanted to try it. I'm writing songs more regularly. Every hour spent working out or practicing bass, every inch of hair that comes in, it all puts me closer to being that person that I always imagined myself being.

Even as far as my desires with relationships I have come full circle. For quite a while, I didn't really want a relationship. I never put in any serious effort, and I would look for reasons to push myself away from someone and not get attached. At one point I tried to completely cut off my feelings and just be logical about everything, not emotional. Before that I was extremely emotional as a teenager, and now I have a pretty solid balance. I do want to find someone to date. I suppose some warmth has returned to my heart. I'm not going to go all out, but I will put in more effort when I encounter someone. I've got things somewhat planned out and I'm doing well at being productive and working toward what I want. I think I'm ready, when the time comes.

I applied for a credit card for the first time the other day. I've always avoided them but it is necessary if I want to build credit. I didn't get approved at the bank so I have to wait to find out in the mail. I also need to get a credit report just to see where I'm at. Regardless of what it is, the goal is to improve it within a year as much as I can so that I can hopefully get a loan to open the store. There are a couple random things I owe on that I need to take care of before then too. Nothing too bad, maybe 400 bucks total for everything.

I just went grocery shopping the other day, so I have a lot of food to chew through. When I'm done with that I want to buy healthier stuff and attempt to lean down. It's difficult since I am certainly a glutton, but I've always wanted a six pack, and I doubt the things I eat now will help in that endeavor. I've been getting tips from a co-worker that spends a lot of time bodybuilding. I think once I get in the habit of just eating fish and rice and pretty healthy stuff I could manage it. I certainly won't say no to going out to eat or special occasions, but even cutting out fast food and most frozen/processed stuff would help. As he said, it's a lonely road, and I agree. The roomies don't eat overly healthy, although they are getting better about it. They want to get in shape too and we all have a membership at the nearby gym, so it's easier than it would have been a while ago.

I am starting to veer off onto my own path. The edges of it are shared by the paths of those around me but it is inherently only mine. I think as long as I don't neglect my own needs and desires for the sake of being social, everything should work out. I can do all of it if I manage my time well enough.