Unpacking Emotions in Life
- June 13, 2019, 9:50 p.m.
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- Public
Y’know, there’s a lot to talk about when it comes to the migration but I feel like it’s been talked to death so there’s only one last thing that I really wanna break down here. While I listen to Banjo music (The Dead South) and my typing speed increases to keep track with the banjo.
A lot of people seem to like my writing style and I’ve always been a fan of typing because to me the series of the keys being hit in time always reminds me of music and I’m not good at music but I feel like I’m good at typing, it’s a straight from brain to fingers to page without much left in the negative space between, a skill that I have yet to master on any other ‘art’ form that requires my fingers. (There’s a joke to be made there…)
Anyway!~
One thing I found really interesting about the re-vitalization (Note, not the migration!) is that there were so many of us, really most of us, who had a similar story. Let me know if this sounds familiar;
“Oh man I started writing when I was 13 and I think about going back to read my old entries and it just makes me want to cringe.”
“Eventually I stopped writing because I just didn’t feel the need to write anymore”
Granted I don’t think there’s many people who don’t cringe at their 13 year old selves unless they’re only 14. But what I really want to focus on is why we stopped writing and how I think that’s… not a lie… but maybe a fabrication. I think we got too busy, sure, that happens, and writing was the first thing to slip away so we told ourselves that we didn’t need it anymore but let me tell you.
Being ‘back’ feels fucking great.
I’m not sure if we’re all just at that next stage of chaos and travel where we really need to have this outlet again and I’m not so naive to think that we won’t lose people eventually to the currents of life but the next time you tell yourself “you don’t really need to write” sit down and really think about that.
Having access to PB, and the freaking insanely supportive community (Seriously, I love y’all) my issues with Pam would have become much more than they were because I had this outlet. And on top of that, as I’ve made peace with a lot of my past, there are still parts that I haven’t and I invite people to open that can of worms and look back. Maybe there’s something you think you’ve settled or maybe you just need to spew once more about it now that you’re ‘revitalized’ when it comes to writing. Y’know, write that final chapter.
Now I’m not saying to unlock the trunk of trauma’s here but too often we let things scab over and we call it healed but really we just keep picking at that scab without letting it fall off fully (Sorry for the gross analogy!)
I really noticed this when I wrote out my coles-notes life story there and I was like “Oh yea, that… man I really gotta expand on that” and there was so much that I glossed over or straight up skipped just because when I look back, some of those people that I thought were important really weren’t. But it seemed like such a big deal when I was living it. And that leaves me wanting to go back and y’know, get out the projector and re-watch the extended cut with added commentary. (I’m real proud of that Analogy though)
I also kinda also love reading everyone’s entries and really digging into their minds and stories, so I’m sorry if I get too personal in comments, I just really enjoy interviewing people about what’s effected/ing them. Affected? Affected.
Now I just don’t know!
Mood: Insomniatic 👀
Listening To: Evelyn, Evelyn🎶 (Seriously, check this song out)
EchoSeven ⋅ June 13, 2019
I have gotten to a point now where not writing regularly causes me to feel off kilter, but I remember the days when it felt like writing had taken a back seat, to the point of being nearly non-existent. I did think 'I don't need to any more,' and that was just a load of crap. Funnily enough, my real resurgence into journal writing happened when all us OD people moved to Prosebox, too. I always thought it had something to do with the feeling of mutual displacement and still wanting to keep hold of whatever shreds of that old community we could find.
Might not be the same for everyone, but that's certainly how it felt for me.
Having a community where you can feel comfortable writing about those kinds of personal things is super important and I am glad that for some (or maybe a lot?) of you have found that here. From personal experience, having that small group of people who you know won't tear the hell out of you when you write personal, vulnerable stuff here is a really amazing thing.
Also, you do have a very good writing style. It's clear, engaging, and your analogies are on point!
Shannonly ⋅ June 13, 2019
Writing took center stage again. Facebook is nice, but so convoluted, full of phony people we think we know in life. Over here, you get the truth. There is a freedom in being allowed to be yourself.
Deleted user ⋅ June 13, 2019
I am like you . I am loving these introduction entries ,
DE_KentuckyGirl ⋅ June 14, 2019 (edited June 14, 2019)
Edited
I always tell people that affect is a verb, so that's how you remember the difference. Unless you're talkihg about an influencing behavior (like "he has a flat affect") but most aren't using it in that way!
I began writing on DE at 27. 28? Mostly stories (it was another forum for them) but over the course of a few years, started throwing in some personal life which caused interaction which caused friendships. I never fully left; I did have periods of inactivity but always came back.
I've always felt the need to write! It's just not always been on DE, sometimes just on paper.
DE_Da_Bartender DE_KentuckyGirl ⋅ June 15, 2019
That's fair. I do a lot of my 'brainstorming' on paper when I need to slow down and really process what I'm working on. What kind of stories did/do you write?
DE_disenchanted ⋅ June 17, 2019
I think you definitely have a point here. I wonder if I can add a bit of a psychological lens here to ponder.
If you think about the developmental "task" of adolescence/young adulthood, its about identity formation, developing a secure sense of self, working out where you fit in the world. The whole thing is tumultuous, and adolescents are naturally egocentric because they're figuring that stuff out.
Fast forward to adulthood - responsibilities, bills, "adulting". The self-care aspect of things is usually the part that falls away first, and is picked up again last. There are so many things we "have" to do or we feel that we have to do before we give in to our own little wants (especially if they seem non-essential or indulgent to others), and "who keeps a diary as an adult?".
I think the migration has maybe reminded us of how therapeutic and helpful it was back then to spill all of our lives in a much different way than we're used to expressing to our friends and family. Not sure what you think about that but I've definitely been mulling it over in the past couple of weeks.
DE_Da_Bartender DE_disenchanted ⋅ June 18, 2019
You make a lot of great points. Would it be worth suggesting that we have several points of re-moulding what we once thought was our "Secure sense of self" because while I feel secure in who I am now, and felt secure in who I was when I first starting writing, I would not say that those two identities were the same. Thus that's the second resurgence of all these writers who are trying to re-sculpt what their first identity has evolved into.
And you're right, we need to put Self-Care more at the fore-front. I'm regularly sniffling and sneezing because of "Oh I'll eat later" and switch out "Eat" with anything else like Sleep, or Drinking Water as two main examples that just disappear at the first potential excuse available.
DE_courtney. ⋅ June 20, 2019
I really love your writing style because I feel almost like I’m standing there having a conversation with you in a way.
Being back to writing and reading is awesome. I’ve just got to be able to focus and sit down and make sure I make time to spend on PB and really just reconnect with so many of you and establish connections with those I never “met.”
My issue is that I feel like I have an extreme issue articulating (is that the word?) what I’m thinking. I’m a nerd and I too LOVE typing. But typing when I don’t feel like anything of substance is being produced makes me sad. I don’t need to be an award winning author, but sometimes I just literally can’t type what I’m thinking or feeling. I’m a work in progress.
DE_Da_Bartender DE_courtney. ⋅ June 21, 2019
I whole-heartedly understand what you're sayin' when it comes to not writing anything of substance. I've found it helps to think out the first paragraph before I even sit down at the keyboard. Those moments where you're in the shower, or doing the commute. Whenever you have a brain-minute to really think and kinda "talk" to yourself like you're updated You on what you need to talk about. I really think a lot of my entries are me talking to me, maybe that's why I feel like this is the realest version of myself, on PB.