material goods trap me in Misadventures of West Virginia Woman

Years ago when my dad was alive he taught me when people push you away and act a fool is when they person needs you the most. My dad lost his temper one night got physically violent and chased me off with a gun. I took my car and left never to move back home. I did however talked to him for him to confess he got messed up on his medicines and had a psychiatric reaction. He admitted he didnt remember doing that.

After the dr fixed his medicine the last months of his life were my happiest with him. I forgave the past and found my daddy again. I started looking forward to visits. I really had a hopeful future for my family. When he died of his heart attack my husband saw me lay across my dad’s body begging him to come back. I cried over and over why did you leave me daddy Lord here i am crying on my phone trying to write this entry. As you can tell i use this diary as a form of therapy.

Yesterday I moved all my old things from storage with my friend Patch and her kids. I wanted to throw it all away automatically i felt trapt by these material goods because its a reminder how my life used to be. My mom is a hoarder she wouldnt let me throw anything away without her looking at it and a fight. My dad wanted to control how many bags went to the trash can. Things steadily piled up and i felt suffocated. When i started throwing things away with my dad while mom was at work it felt liberating. My dad and i would haul everything away before she could dig through. When i moved things were still in her house. she would cry and hold my things calling me begging me to move back in to the control and abuse. I refused for the first time in my life i lived alone trying to care for myself.

I married Talan giving myself away my family refused to attend. It is ok because i was told a long time ago as a child my family wouldnt be there i put waterproof mascara on and married at Octoberfest.

Today after work i am getting the fridge and microwave Jan gave to me and i will begin to unpack my past and move into my future better than ever.