Vicious Cycle in I'm New Here

If I don’t say anything at all, I overthink, get depressed, and eventually fall apart. If I get passive aggressive and shut you out (because I need you to notice), eventually it comes out, we get into an argument, and I am chastised for holding it in. If I speak up, we still debate everything, I keep you awake, and I disrupt what you’re trying to do.
I invoked the Walla Walla, Washington rule tonight. That was supposed to be the fail safe. And it didn’t work. So now what?
Now here are my options.
One: go to bed. Don’t say anything at all. You will go to bed soon and get decent sleep. Leave tomorrow barely kissing you goodbye. Until one of us apologizes on Tuesday, because I’m gone for a week. And we miss each other.
Two: say something. Get denied. Go to bed angry. Keep you awake. Have a very pissy goodbye. Which will make me feel like shit the moment I leave. But we won’t talk at all. Until Tuesday, when one of us apologizes because I’m gone for a week and we miss each other.
So what the fuck do I do? No matter what, it doesn’t end well. I’m running out of ideas.

This is my first time writing while intoxicated. I know how much my anxiety will kick in tomorrow to delete all of this.