good calls in 2019

9:57pm

I don’t know what it is but over the last couple of days I’ve randomly caught myself with this big ol’ stupid smile on my face. I don’t even know what I’m smiling about! Just life is good I guess. Like I finally freaken let go of all of the crazy and bam it’s better. Life isn’t perfect but it’s so good. I am so lucky. I thank God every day for what I have!

I had started to let things get to me again. To worry about stuff that didn’t matter. To let other people affect my feelings even though I saw it happening and couldn’t figure out how to stop it. I was only hurting myself. Again. Like I’ve done so much in the past. But then I went to church, and I got home, and all this stuff just happened.

I sent EC a text today, even though he didn’t answer last night. I don’t even feel that weird about it anymore. He lives on a different schedule than I do and I need to accept that. We talked about this at the bar the other night. How I hate his emoji responses and he says I text after he’s asleep. I basically said he could text me when he wanted and I’d do the same. So I texted about flower shopping because that’s our current joke - that I get drunk and flower shop 🤣 His response was unimpressive but whatever. I sent a reply about still being sober while we were on our way to tacos and then my phone rang. He was calling and had just been sent home from work because it was too damn hot.

We joked. We chatted. He ended up calling three times because he lost signal and then they were calling him from work ( once he ignored it but had to answer the second. I didn’t think he was gonna call back). We basically talked up until I got to the restaurant.

During the conversation he was talking about work and randomly said that he signed up for the gym today. For a second I thought I mis-heard. I asked if he was influenced by H since they’re on a current diet/work out kick. He said no it was just time to get back into the gym. I told him that was great and that I’d cheer him on from the sidelines. Then he said that I could join him and I started laughing and said I had a goal in life to never step foot in a gym. He didn’t think that was a good goal 🤷‍♀️

I was kinda proud/excited to hear that though. I’m not trying to be shallow but his weight has been one of my hesitations. Not that it really matters to me. I like him because of his personality. He’s kind and he makes me laugh in a way that maybe no one else ever has. But he reminds me a little of my brother in that sense and how hard it’s been dealing with him being overweight. It worries me. I don’t want to worry about someone. I don’t want to wonder about someone’s health all the time or resent them for eating way more than they should and being unhealthy. That’s all it is. I don’t want to spend time worrying about whether or not he’ll be ok in the long run. So I’m happy he’s going. It was a surprise and I’m proud he’s made that decision all on his own. I’m glad I never had to bring it up to him. We’ll see how it goes!

He ended up asking me if I wanted to go to the “movies or something” this weekend. We started joking and after some back and forth about taking the kids to six flags-who’s kids-my whole baseball teams worth duh-my figure looking good for so many-etc I finally brought it back around to the weekend. I asked if he worked Saturday and to just let me know. That I don’t have any plans as of now and he said something about maybe having some drinks if I wanted. We ended with him just letting me know because I don’t really plan this far in advance. He said he was starting to realize that haha 😛

I still don’t know what’s happening here. Have I said that before? Haha. I am trying really hard to just go with the flow here. It’s just so damn easy! I don’t know what else to say. It’s easy. And I like that it’s easy! No drama. No weirdness. Just simple.

It’s working for me.

And that’s enough for me right now.

rose.
10:11pm

Last updated June 05, 2019