I'm not crying, you're crying! in Life
- June 4, 2019, 7:25 p.m.
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- Public
There’s something to be said about the feeling of a community coming together and reviving itself for a lack of better term, but you’ve all heard enough about that from the 50 some people that have joined and shared their own experience in the situation.
What really caught me off guard wasn’t so much the people that hadn’t posted in a while and the joyous reunion but the fact that even some of the lurkers came out. One in particular said to me (I was going to attach a picture but I don’t have it hosted anywhere so I suppose that’s something to look into!)
“as an occasional lurker/observer in your journal, I’m so stoked to see you happy now”
and that really caught me off guard. It made me feel like I was someone that was cared about, and by someone I’ve never spoken with, to the best of my knowledge.
Flashback: I never got a whole lot of appreciation from my parents, they were always in a rush and always very stern, or in my father’s case, the exact opposite but like… on a roulette wheel like “What father am I going to deal with tonight?!” And that impacted me, as one might expect, for the better part of my identity. I’ve really only made peace with that whole situation in the past couple years and that is purely a peace I’ve made with myself as they both think the sun shines out their collective asses while believing the other one is the devil incarnate. Unless you confront them about it then it’s all “they did the best they could” until 5 minutes later when they forget the conversation and it goes back to 50 shades of terrible parenting.
Needless to say, the peace I’ve made does not mean the issues are resolved, I doubt they ever will be but I understand a lot more about it being a new parent now that I did when I was going through it all.
ANYWAY…
The point I was trying to make is that this whole flurry of activity has dredged up a lot of nostalgia for some, but also some new feelings for others. Like damn, someone out there is happy that I’m happy? That’s still a pretty new feeling given my turbulent past.
DE_ChasingGummyBears ⋅ June 04, 2019
Is now a good time to admit that we have been fb friends before and then weren't and I would check in here and there on you? Creepy..party of 1. But seriously. Put me in the catagory who cared, of course a lot of us cared!! You were a fixture on DE and always made it a point to be friendly no matter what was going on.
DE_Da_Bartender DE_ChasingGummyBears ⋅ June 04, 2019
Haha I don't think it's creepy at all given how intimate we all were with the details of our lives. I'm really stunned and glad to know I made an impact on people, even more so that those people were checking up on me.
DE_jamielynn ⋅ June 04, 2019
I always read your stuff and you seem like a new man tbh
DE_Da_Bartender DE_jamielynn ⋅ June 04, 2019
I certainly feel like a different person than I did when I was younger, that's for sure. The past 3-5 years has changed me
DE_jamielynn DE_Da_Bartender ⋅ June 05, 2019
it's wild how life throws us lessons
DE_Da_Bartender DE_jamielynn ⋅ June 05, 2019
it really is...
Mercurial Muse ⋅ June 05, 2019
Ha. I tend to lurk around people's entries a lot and note kinda sparingly. I dunno why.
But I remember when OD was shutting down and a similar thing happened to me. It's a nice but weird feeling to find new people who are invested in your well being.
DE_courtney. ⋅ June 05, 2019
I was definitely a lurker sometimes back in the day when it came to reading entries in general. Of course I'd comment and carry on conversations with those that I befriended and read on a regular basis, but I always liked just going to random diaries and exploring, too. I was definitely a da bartender fan and remembered you as soon as I saw you post and say what your username was. I am loving this feeling as well---- people remember ME, people cared (and still do care) about ME. I'm so happy to be taking this dive with all of you. Bittersweet to be losing our former house but I'm trying to look at it as just that, a house, because home is where we make it.
DE_basicgenius ⋅ June 06, 2019
So true. I have made a lot of lifelong friends on DE... Mer some in person, others strictly online, but we are all one big family
Deleted user ⋅ June 08, 2019
Everyone benefits from a cheering section and knowing they are “ seen” and cared about even if it’s on line :-)
DE_Da_Bartender Deleted user ⋅ June 13, 2019
So true. The support I get from my online friends can get me through some of the thickest muck and mire in life.