setting records in 2019

3:39pm

I ended up coming into the office today to “work on things” but really I don’t have much going on and I’d rather type. I keep contemplating typing at home but I don’t like doing it on my phone - it’s way too much effort - and I get lazy about pulling out my old falling apart laptop too. I should get a new one but the idea of having to learn a new operating system seems very annoying. I do not like new things.

Although, to go ahead and transition this to where I’m going anyway and to contradict myself, there is a “new thing” I’m kinda digging right now. A thing with EC that suddenly sorta happened. I mean I have no idea what we’re doing, or whether or not it’s an actual “thing”, but it was a damn good weekend and I would like to document it while it’s fresh in my mind.

That’s the thing about stuff between us - I haven’t really been documenting much of it. I want to. But I don’t. I guess maybe because there’s not much to vent about. It would just end up as a retelling of what happens between us and I guess I don’t have the right motivation to put in the effort. I know I’ll miss not being able to look back on it though. And actually, after my last entry, one of my main intentions was to come in here and talk All Things EC. I have had a few things to vent about, feelings and what not, and wanted to tell some stories. Part of me is slightly glad I didn’t come in here sooner because I was in a weird headspace about it and I imagine it would have been a lot of complaining and pity party type sentiments. Not that I don’t want to be real about it. I’m sure all that stuff will still come out, I just feel different about it at this current moment in time.

Most of the venting would have been about the fact that he’s [mostly] really terrible at texting me back and therefore makes it very difficult to have a conversation and get to know him. He’s been this way pretty much from the beginning though so I don’t really feel like I have much of a right to complain about it. It’s not just me he does it to either. He went all of last week without even talking to his compa and they’re damn good friends. So that makes me feel less terrible about it.

I’ll try to make a long story short here: I saw him for like 5 minutes the Friday before I left for Cancun. He came over to the neighbours house to hang but I had already been told not to go over because they were getting over a stomach bug and didn’t want me to catch anything before I left. So I didn’t get to hang out that night even though I really wanted to and he just stopped by when he pulled up because I was outside watering the lawn. The next morning while I waited for my early flight we exchanged some texts joking about how he was gonna miss me. He was sending all the heart emojis. I called him dumb. He said I should send them too and so I sent the cat heart eyes [which I actually use a lot as a joke about my becoming a cat lady] He then asked if I was a comedian now and I told him he liked it. And he goes, “I kinda like you.” Which of course sent my mind racing with a million thoughts as I shut off my phone and boarded the plane.
Then, as the other shoe always drops, I turned my phone back on in Phoenix and found a screenshot of a song about friends with benefits [It’s actually a decent reggaetón song hah] and my high in the clouds balloon burst. Not that I thought he was all in love with me or anything but it was nice to hear. The last text I got before I turned my phone off in Mex was him apologizing for coming on a little strong and wishing me well on my trip.

So fast forward through the trip and it’s Friday morning back at home and I’m texting everyone back. I hesitated a little but I sent him this long text and in it I reminded him that I wasn’t like other girls these days and he shouldn’t get his hopes up for that because I don’t give anything away for free.

I heard nothing back. Not a single word.

I ended up sending another text on Sunday pretty much asking what the hell was going on. I hate being left in the dark! And was at a point where I thought maybe it didn’t go through it was so long. Turns out he did get the message but used the excuse that he thought I was still on vacation so he didn’t answer. Whatever.

We did a little back and forth over the next couple of days but he was his terrible texting self and I was annoyed. I hate feeling like I’m chasing him! [and yet I continue to do it b/c I’m dumb] Also, I’ve heard stories about another girl that apparently followed him around for a while and then ended up with another friend. I do not want to be that girl! But he seems quite popular with their girl friend group. Then I feel dumb because what is he doing to all the girls? Like putting something in our water? And why am I falling for it too? ugh. I sent him some pictures on Tuesday while I was out shopping and drinking margaritas. He left me hanging again. On Thursday I thought he was going to show up to watch the game but didn’t. I asked if he wanted me to leave his gift from Mex there or keep it [we gave the neighbours theirs and mom wanted to know] he stopped responding that night too. During Friday’s tiny exchange I got fed up and asked why he was so terrible at texting and told him he wasn’t fun anymore. Just before 7am Saturday morning he replied, “I’m sorry” right around the same time that I woke up and I didn’t say anything back. I was pretty much over it. I’d had a nice cry I think the night before and decided I was wasting my time and needed to move on. He was only interested in one thing. [Some comments he made reminded me a lot of TF which of course brings on bad feelings/memories.] That I was being stupid and not taking care of myself the way I should. All the stuff I needed to tell myself and was going to come in here to vent and process.

By mid afternoon I found a missed call from him. Figured he was driving home from work and was bored. I didn’t call back. I watched a movie, fell asleep on the couch, got up and ready for church, and then finally when I got back from church [which I hadn’t been to in a while and had a strong urge to go] I started to feel bad for not responding at all. I’m big on the “treat others how you want to be treated” thing and thought about how annoyed I get and how I hate when people do that to me. I let go of my pride and gave in. Just before 7pm I sent a text, “Hello. Sorry I didn’t call back earlier. If you’re free you should call me.”

Pretty much immediately my phone started ringing. Dang. Ok. Turns out the text woke him up and he called me. He sounded so sleepy on the phone. I laid down on my bed and we ended up talking for the next 40 minutes [a record!]. It seemed like we were going to hang up a couple times in there when we both got quiet but kept going instead. It was a really nice conversation. Plenty of back and forth and actually getting to know each other in a way that we don’t usually talk. He had me laughing as always. By the end I asked if he had any more questions for me and at first he said no but then said, “ok yes I do have one more question” - go for it - “do you want to have a drink with me?” I said sure and asked when he wanted to go. He pauses to think and goes, “umm, in like an hour” and I started laughing because I didn’t realize he meant that night!
[sidenote: the neighbours were gone all afternoon at some party thing so neither of us were at their house and had nothing going on haha! Also! he totally called me out on the fact that I never really answer questions. I tried to explain that that was just my sarcasm and if someone legitimately asked me something I would answer, hence the “do you have more questions” but I was surprised he picked up on that.]
He said he could probably make it in 40 minutes but he had to shower and come to my town. He said we could go to the only place in town that has a bar. haha. And sure enough about 20 minutes after 8 he was texting me that he’d arrived and I walked outside to see him pulling up into my driveway. Alright. I guess we’re doing this.

I hopped into his giant truck, said hi, and made a joke about not having heard him because the music wasn’t playing. It literally shakes my house when he comes down the street with that system on! He said he turned it down when he got close. I noticed right away he was playing reggaeton which he knows I like. Starting off on the right foot. haha. We didn’t say much on the way there. I don’t really talk much in the car in general. His seats are super comfortable too so I was just enjoying the quick ride. I could take a good nap in that truck! I gotta get him to drive me somewhere far one of these days. ;) We talked about the hours and hoped we’d find parking. When we got near there it was dead down the street but almost filled by the time we made it around the block. Parking is always terrible out there but the spot we found was real close. There was a cop parked a few spots away and funny enough when we left it looked like that same cop was driving down the street. I joked that he was going to come after us now because he totally saw us go in like almost 2 hours earlier and would know we weren’t sober. haha. I only had a beer and then a whiskey/sprite. He had two beers plus a gin/tonic but also ate chicken wings and is pretty much a champion drinker [not that he should brag about that]. So we were mostly sober-ish.

I did stress to him that I would not get in the truck with him if I didn’t feel safe about his ability to drive. That I would rather walk home and he assured me he’d be fine. I lectured him a little about drinking and driving but stopped after he called me mom. haha.

I like to think we had a good time. I definitely did. We continued to actually talk and get to know each other. Told life stories. Talked about food, drinking, his parents garden, my random college stories that related, etc. Stuff like that. It was really dead in there and I was surprised, and glad, that I didn’t run into anyone I knew. I recognized a few people but just from work and around town. Nobody I knew well enough to even say hi to. The lady next to me kept making comments. She was tipsy. And all I could think was how I’m the last person in that whole place that would want to have a conversation with a stranger. hah. I made eyes at EC a couple times about things I heard but he wasn’t following along. Also at least once I caught myself suddenly laughing way too loud. haha. He makes me laugh so much but I shouldn’t have to grab everyone’s attention. =P

Anyway, I thought it went quite well. We talked, we laughed, we ate, I ate all the carrot sticks, we drank. I could see him watching me from the corner of my eye but mostly I stared straight ahead. It’s hard to keep eye contact with someone that has their face less than a foot away from you. Too intense! haha. The bartender was kinda spacey but nice. When EC asked for the check and we were waiting forever I told him that I would split it with him. He said no way and made a comment about how I didn’t eat. I offered again but he still refused. I really appreciated that. He’s very generous I’ve noticed. I said I would get the next round, another day, and he said ok because there wouldn’t be a next time. ugh. That dumb man makes me roll my eyes a lot too.

At some point about halfway through the night he got distracted by his phone and then we kinda quit talking. I made a joke about it and he said it was his compa asking where he was. Turns out they were just outside of town on their way home. He told them where he was but I don’t know if he told him he was with me right away. Oh and we went over texts at one point on his phone and I think my name is saved with emojis in it. hah. I’m guessing a rose but not sure. I felt weird and snoopy by looking so I avoided looking at anything besides what he pointed out. Does anyone else feel like that about looking at other people’s phones? I notice people in general are pretty snoopy when on another phone. Do unto others, right? I’ll figure it out eventually anyway.

After we finished he drove us home and pulled into the neighbour’s drive instead of mine. haha. L opened the door as we walked up to it. H was talking to one of the girls and EC went back to his truck for something and I told L that I just happened to walk up at the same time as him and followed him inside. I don’t know how she feels about this whole thing. I’m curious though haven’t had a chance to ask. I want to know how she found out and what she thinks honestly. They’ve pushed me on to him but also kinda cautioned me to stay away so it’s confusing. The only thing she asked was if my mom knew, which duh of course she does. I tell her every thing but the nitty gritty details. haha.

So we hung out and had more beers like we hadn’t done in weeks. It was nice to have everyone back together to laugh and joke. I took my regular seat at the counter and EC stood/leaned directly across from me. H hung around the counter too and L sat on the couch watching a movie. Their oldest was still awake watching too. We talked for a while but then all got drawn into the movie. It was trippy and weird. EC and I continued to talk throughout all this. He kinda ran his fingers over my hand once very secretly. And once the movie was over everyone apparently got hungry. H had made these amazing fries but kept talking about chicken nuggets. EC volunteered to drive and some how I was convinced to go with him. I thought the girl was coming too but she decided not to.

There was a whole thing with his keys which he forgot inside and then came back out thinking I had them. The door unlocked when he came out so I kept telling him to get my side. It kept clicking but wouldn’t open. I swore he had the keys until he started yelling at me to just give them to him already. So confusing! Until H walks out the door with the damn keys in his hand and it all suddenly made sense. Stupid H.

I was hesitant to get in the truck with him but I did anyway. Not sure why I trust him so much. I watched the driving closely though in case I needed to step in some how. He took us through the freeway and I told him about how he could have gone through the back. I was talking about how I knew shortcuts. He said something to me sarcastically about this [but I don’t remember exactly what!] and I ended up saying, “I can teach you a lot of things.” And he laughed and said, “I like your confidence!” Well good. I’m glad. ;) I’m not usually accused of having confidence. But when I drink I lose my filter and I’m pretty quick.

When we got there we were so confused about everyone’s order that we called them. Apparently they sent me a text but right before we called I’d realized that I left my phone at the house. Whoops. We got it sorted and went through the drive-thru. It was funny because they said cash only and when we pulled up to the window he handed them a card and they took it. haha. We laughed so much and I tried to hide because the kid working is a client from the office. So funny though. They didn’t give us sauce even though that was the main thing the neighbours wanted. haha. Then this moron started driving like a maniac and I was yelling at him. When we got to the house I jumped out and he freaken honked at me. It was after midnight! I have to live here! That jerk.

I got inside and told them never to send me anywhere with him again. After we got settled in EC and I were arguing/joking about it and H goes, “you two fight like an old married couple” and L called out from the couch, “they’re divorced! remember!” Don’t remember what was said after that.

Eventually L fell asleep on the couch and I decided to leave. EC volunteered to walk me home. For some reason I can’t remember what we talked about. He stopped in my darkened driveway and I walked over and gave him a hug. He wasn’t making any moves so I did it myself. I thanked him for the drinks and everything. I almost thought I heard him sigh when he leaned down but it was a good solid hug. =)

I watched him walk down the drive and that was that. It was a good damn day. That’s the most we’ve ever spoken and it was so nice to finally get time alone together. It’s like we turned a new corner. A really good new corner.

Sunday was even better, which is crazy because we weren’t even supposed to hang out this weekend since the neighbours were gonna be busy. They skipped their obligation and after a morning of yard work we got together to bbq and watch the game.

I want to write all about it but 1) I know this is long and 2) it’s getting late and I still have to take my shot. Ugh. I am so sick of those damn shots. I really need to talk to the doc about switching to pills instead. It’s too much hassle and it’s starting to give me anxiety every Monday. I have no other option right now so I’ll just cut this and do a part two later [hopefully really soon].

Night.

rose.
10:25pm

Last updated June 05, 2019