Servived the first two nights in In the Kingdom of Suzu
- June 3, 2019, 2:55 a.m.
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- Public
Spent Friday night at my sister’s house as well as Saturday. Tonight I will be at my daughter’s. It is hard being at the house and nights are no better. I need to be around people. I only have come home to feed the cats and change clothes altho my sister came to my house yesterday and we went to the bank and she helped me make some phone calls. I hope to be able to see a. Lawyer this week just to find out how I can protect myself.
I appreciate all your comments and yes better to be alone than with someone who doesn’t love you. Unfortunately the last year and a half, right before this all came to light, I was really beginning to like my body and feel sexy and wanting to be loved.
I know I am a bright, intelligent, attractive woman who any man would like to be with (my counselor and daughter’s comments). But the truth of the matter is my age which is soon to be 65 (and again my counselor says there are plenty of people finding love at that age and older) and my belief system and trust. I wanted a partner and Jeff was that partner for a long time but something happened and he lost his way.
EDIT. my heart hurts to see how he has looked this past year. He looks like an aging hippy (he left his hair grow but it is not a flattering look----, when he ties it back and it is a little greasy, it looks good, but when he just washes and lets it hang on the side it is not flattering. He had gone to my hairdresser and the hairdresser told me later on that when he saw him crossing the street, he thought he was an old woman—that hurts my heart). he also has a hard edge about him and it hurts to see him like that. There was so much help available to him but he chose to do nothing and he didn’t fight his desire to contact her from time to time because he became weak. Also I think because he doesn’t feel good about himself and then being with me just made him feel worse cuz of what he was doing but yet would not accept the help that was offered to him. I should not care so much about him because he isn’t worth it but I still can see the man that he was, hidden deep beneath the surface.
Last updated June 03, 2019
ConnieK ⋅ June 03, 2019
My heart hurts for you. Glad you are protecting yourself. Sending up prayers for you!
Deleted user ⋅ June 03, 2019
It takes time . It says a lot positive about you that you can feel compassion for him under the circumstances. He will need to find his place in the world now without your support and minus the devotion he had . He will miss it . It’s always a mistake to throw love away and he will learn that .
This is the beginning of a new page in your life . It can be exciting and more fulfilling than what you had . Try to keep an open mind and an open heart . Hugs!
Anaiss ⋅ June 04, 2019
I think you're going to experience the stages to that of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Or a similar path. I would say reach out for whatever support you need. There WILL be happiness again.