Entry foreword: I don’t mean to be dramatic with these entries, but that just seems to be what comes out lately. So excuse me while I spend some time just throwing these things on the page. I think I’m figuring out the new me.
I haven’t had a whole lot to write lately as I’ve been spending 100% of my time working on healing.
It might seem strange to someone who sees my social media - my Facebook and Instagram are full of my daily comings and goings and daily walks. What’s different is…well, everything. I can’t explain this feeling. It’s just that I don’t feel like my old self anymore. From this injury came a new and different person. It’s kind of amazing that such a tiny rip in the system that sends blood, oxygen and glucose to the brain can make such a seismic shift to your whole being.
I don’t want to make a big deal of it and yet it is.
And yes, I’m essentially still ME at my core with the desires and the needs I had before. It’s that I’m me with a twist. I’m still not feeling completely well. And yes, there’s still an aneurysm (interchangeably called a dissecting aneurysm or pseudoaneurysm) in my head, so maybe that’s it.
But I don’t have the energy I had before and I don’t have the same sleep patterns (I have slept more since the injury than I have my whole life - I know that’s my body healing). I don’t have the same eating patterns, nor do I want that anyway.
As far as I know, I still have the same personality? I mean, I can’t really tell if I have the same demeanor? Sometimes I wonder if I’m acting differently. Nobody’s told me any different, but maybe it’s just something I’m not aware of?
I do know that I’m extra careful lately and I’m slower. It takes me longer to do stuff like…get to work. I’m also not stressing about work right now, and OH what a shift that is!
I miss drinking, but not really that much. Truth be told, I can have a glass of wine here and there and I may go back to that once I get the OK from the neuroradiology interventionist (I’ll let you look that one up). But I’m also on blood thinners so I should never drink to excess on them.
I am just about ready to get back in the dating world…I think. But maybe not in the same way?
CD is traveling in the UK and a bit of Europe with his kids right now, so he’s been in touch here and there but not much.
And Doc D…well, we text, but I still haven’t seen him since I was in the ER and he showed up. It’s the strangest thing - we flirt and then we don’t. I can’t get him to commit to a dinner to thank him for being such an amazing source of comfort throughout all of this, but maybe he’s waiting until I’m feeling better and the intensity around the injury is less…intense?
So that leaves me with myself.
It’s actually been good. I’ve needed this me time (though scary sometimes at night when I fear I won’t wake up - that feeling is becoming less severe with every morning that I DO wake up). I’ve rested and I’ve read. I’ve joined private support groups on Facebook so I don’t feel as confused and alone with this injury. It’s amazing that nearly everyone in these support groups say that they are forever changed since their injury.
ANYWAY. I just wanted to come here and say hello. I’m reading along and noting here and there. I am filled with gratitude. I’m thrilled to be alive and I love you all very much.
xox,
GS
Loading comments...