back in the habit in 2019

5:57pm

I am about ready to head out the office door but I feel like I need to start this now and kind of force myself back into this writing habit. I’ve really let it fall by the wayside. There is so much running through my mind on a constant basis and I cannot seem to get myself to sit still and write it all out. I know I need this place way more than it will ever need me but I’m struggling.

I came back from Cancun and kinda fell into a depression-like state. Not wanting to be back in the real world and dealing with whatever few responsibilities I actually have. Poor me, right? I know it’s so sad…

Really though I just didn’t feel good and did not feel like doing anything at all. Mom ended up coming back with some sort of cold and so I was grateful to have a pretty quiet weekend. We got home from Cancun just after 1:00AM on Friday morning. I was tired and yet relieved to be home. I think I went to bed some time after 2 by the time I settled down. Then of course the back neighbours decided that was a great day to work on the back fence and they started before 7am so I was wide awake. My schedule was off anyway with the time difference. I didn’t have to be at work until 12 so that was nice. It wasn’t too busy either so that was also nice! I texted the neighbours and everyone else back that day. I was a little bummed when I turned my phone on in Phoenix, after a week, and didn’t have a single new message but I guess everyone I regularly text knew I’d be gone. After I arrived in Mex I’d had my phone on and received texts from everyone and their mother, including CK who I hadn’t heard from in like a month. So I responded to all of them. I sent a long text to the neighbour friend [aka el compa or now EC for short b/c I’m tired of typing that all out and NF is too close to TF for comfort] which he did not respond to but I’ll get into that in a bit. Also CK didn’t respond either which I find slightly strange but not entirely surprising given our communication track record [hello two years w/no contact..]

I took Friday evening to just relax at home. On Saturday we quietly hung out. We were going to get together with our friends from the trip but since she wasn’t feeling well we cancelled. It was nice to just relax. Then that evening the neighbour texted after they got home and after dinner I ended up going over. It was just the two of them since the kids were gone but it was so nice to see them. I seriously missed them! We just hung out for hours drinking beer and chatting. She kept telling me over and over how nice it was to have me back, how much she missed me, how happy she was to be able to talk to someone again. Apparently other people don’t really get her and she feels like I understand. She had a ton of work drama because she’s in the middle of switching jobs to one here in town [which I helped her write a cover letter for so I’m taking credit for getting the job! haha]. I guess I give her the right advice or say the right things and so she’d been dying to tell me all the stories. Mostly I just sit and drink my beer while she talks and validate her sh*t [because duh it’s ok to be sad even if the job sucked sometimes].

It was really awesome to be back there with them. Some times I wonder if we’re actually friends but then moments like that prove it. We’re so comfortable and trust each other already. It’s nice and I’m lucky to have found that.

They were supposed to have an “early” night because they were leaving super early the next morning to SF. That’s how I ended up watching the pets because it was all kinda last minute and I was available. We stayed up drinking, talking, and playing cards until like 11:30ish. I even had to drag her to her room to get her to pack because she was behind and got a little too tipsy. haha! It was funny but cool to hang like that. I told her that I thought we were in a place now where I could sit on her bed and watch her pack without it being awkward. You don’t have to put on a show or entertain me. I’m cool just casually hanging. shrug

We proceeded to watch movies all day on Sunday and Monday with breaks for me to go next door and check on the animals. I went around mid-day even though it was raining, then again before bed, then super freaken early in the morning because I felt bad they were cooped up all night, and one last time after noon since they got back a little later than expected. The dogs were dumb, wild, silly beasts that make me laugh and roll my eyes at the same time. And their chameleon scared me on Monday when I walked in and he was shedding. I didn’t know if he was supposed to shed or I’d done something wrong with the temperature controls. They didn’t give me very good instructions since we’d already been drinking before they decided to leave me in charge. haha. I was panicking a little and thank God for some technology because I quickly searched for whether or not they were actually supposed to shed. Turns out they do and we were all good. Little Rex wasn’t dying after all! =)

Every one was still alive when they got home and it was a job well done from me. I went over to return their key shortly after. They refused to let me keep it since they don’t have an extra but I’ll still hold it over EC’s head that I got the key first [and alarm fob!] before he did. Apparently that’s how things started with him. Their other friend was busy one weekend so they asked him to check on things [at their old house] and he just ended up staying the whole weekend to watch things. Apparently he never really left after that. hah. They said I could spend the night and hang out there doing whatever I wanted [as long as nothing went missing!] and I might have if I didn’t literally live next door. If I lived somewhere else I definitely would have considered it. Even still I hung out for like an hour each time to give the dogs time to roam outside. When I first went over there I may or may not have washed their dishes and cleaned up their counters. I was bored! The next morning when I woke up at 6am to go over I also took out their full trash can and rolled the bins to the street. Turns out the garbage didn’t even pick up that day but we didn’t know since normally they leave a message about it. shrug Oops.

They texted when they got home that evening just after five and I ended up going over so they could pay me in the beer they brought home from their quick trip. haha. H had called me earlier in the day because they’d found a cool brewery and wanted to know what I liked. So they gave me two to bring home and then H and I went one-for-one on some other ones to try. L was drinking too but she tends to pace herself a lot better than we do. hah. [She nursed the first one and then had a 2nd much later] Even still H was giving me a hard time and telling me to hurry up but they were strong beers and I was getting tipsy. I kept telling them I didn’t want to stumble home! I did come to the house twice during that time. Once to pick up chips and bring my mom a plate of rice/veggies they made. And the second time right after because she reminded me I had clothes on the line and it was getting dark. It definitely gave me time to slow down. haha.

[As a quick sidenote: there was a truck I didn’t recognize at the other side neighbours that day and my thoughts are that it belonged to TF. It gave me more anxiety than I care to admit and I was so beyond grateful to be able to walk next door and have the distraction. It’s the only thing that completely calmed me and got my mind off all the crazy. I wish this wasn’t a thing any more but it still seems to be.
I used to be so happy to be back home after a trip but I don’t know anymore. It’s not the same. This place gives me anxiety now and I don’t know how to stop that. More thoughts on that later I’m sure.]

Those beers were delicious though. The first one was a hazy ipa thing that was pretty good. The 2nd was this absolutely amazing vanilla one that tasted just like a freaken milkshake! It was so good and you’d never believe it was a pretty decently strong beer. We actually searched to see how to get more but can’t find it anywhere which is super sad. It was that good! The 3rd had this creepy looking girl on the can and was a lot like the first. My taste for beer isn’t that discriminating. I tend to drink pretty much every thing, which probably isn’t a great thing to admit but true. hah. It was nice that H seemed to pick them out so we could each taste one and enjoy them. Although he did leave the last quarter in the cup and disappeared. I assume he went to bed because I never saw him again. haha. I’m going to give him such a hard time next time I see them.

It sucks because it’s been two weekends since we’ve had a proper hang out. We were getting together like 2-3 times in a weekend for all day long cookouts. They’re supposed to be busy this weekend too so yeah that’s pretty lame. But when I opened the door Monday evening and little Dev ran over to me and said, “Rose, I missed you!” and gave me a hug I was so happy to be back there. Nice to see the girls too and just fold back into the mix over there!

We may or may not get together tomorrow for the game but we haven’t talked about it since Monday so we’ll see. I do have snacks I can take.
Also, I think I overheard H talking to EC on Monday and telling him to plan to come over and stay the night. It would be nice to see him. I haven’t seen him in the same amount of time, except for less than 5 minutes the Friday before I left on vacation when he saw me outside and came over to say hi. If we don’t see each other this weekend it’ll be like a month between visits. Weird but that’s the longest we’ve ever gone without seeing each other and those 5 minutes don’t count. We’ve still been texting but some times it’s kinda awkward. It doesn’t feel the same. There’s enough of all that to fill its own entry, including how he said, “I kinda like you” as I was waiting to board my plane and then later ruined it by referencing a friends with benefits song…so I won’t get into it now.

There’s also health updates, and life stuff, and I need to write like a million entries to catch up! I’ll try my best to catch up as quickly as possible. Might as well take advantage of the typing roll but this one is too long already.

rose.
9:03pm