Just Pile on more.... WTH in Adventures of New baby and family
- May 24, 2019, 9:04 p.m.
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- Public
So First thing this morning I get a call from CPS and she tells me that under no circumstances can SO come back.... WTF!! Because if he does than they will take me to court and take away the kids.
OKay but 1) he is still 2 of the kids father.......
2) if he finally gets the fucking help he needs than why should this be an issue?
He has never hurt the kids, in fact he doesn’t disciple them at all. He screams at them but who doesn’t scream at their kids now and then and if you don’t what is your secret?
I know it me he does most of it too. I know he mostly does it when the kids are not around. But again if he is finally getting medicated in a program and so forth.. Why???
I know there is a chance he will go off and that this will happen again. Blah blah blah… but I know there’s not much they have on him either than the psych stuff. He doesn’t really break anything (my phone once) nothing else. His physical is not punch you in the face or broken bones open bleeding wounds. Head lock kind of thing, not choking. Not saying any of it is good… but it could be worse. But I’m not injured or in pain.
But this is not helpful..... eventually the temporary order of protection will be done. He will be out and then what??? He’s still the kids father.
I don’t hate him....
They don’t hate him....
It being May and Mental Health Month..... Awareness.
theworstofme ⋅ May 25, 2019
I'm sorry, but no. As a child who lived through this, it's neglectful to consistently put your children in the path of an unstable and potentially dangerous person. Biological parent or not, it's your job to keep them safe, physically and mentally. They might be physically safe with him, according to you, but they aren't mentally and emotionally safe. My best advice would be to get yourself some therapy, and quickly, so you can come to terms with the fact that you need to do what you don't want to do in order to keep them safe. You are all they have in this world, the last gate between them and danger. So make sure it's an impenetrable lockdown gate, not one that swings back and forth allowing who knows what in. You need to put being a mother in front of your own feelings
theworstofme ⋅ May 25, 2019
And yes, it has been scientifically proven, throughout many studies with overwhelming evidence that screaming at your children, being physically aggressive with other people in front of them, and being mentally unstable is as damaging as it is to slap them in the face. You might want to reframe your definition of abuse. And side note, although I was screamed at for the majority of my childhood, my husband and I do not scream at any of our three children, he was never screamed at as a child, and I don't know any of my friends who do. Talk sternly, raise my voice, but never scream
whit28 ⋅ May 29, 2019 (edited May 29, 2019)
Edited
So my version of "yelling/screaming" is the same as your sternly talking to them. I feel like I'm yelling as my pleasant voice becomes stern and louder and a bit more sharp. Whatever you want to call it you are being firm in your demand and louder than you would talk normally.. Maybe your kids feel your stern voice is like screaming did you think of that?
theworstofme whit28 ⋅ May 30, 2019
That's very possible. However, the minute that another adult physically harmed me in the home like children were staying at, I would do everything possible as a mother to make sure they never had to witness that or be around that again. That is why it is the law. By allowing somebody that does those things into your home you're risking custody of your children, and therefore failing as a mother. I know that's harsh, but sometimes hearing things in a plain way helps it thinking. You can't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. Especially when they are unable or unwilling to care for themselves. You have people that you are responsible for caring for, and he is not one of them. Have you considered maybe that involving yourself so deeply and his issues is just distracting yourself from what you have to do in your life?
whit28 theworstofme ⋅ May 30, 2019
Also.... the problem is that they the court system and the mental health system have always thrown him back on me that he is my problem. Not theirs. I have tried getting him help and they have always told me he wasn't " bad" enough. He has told them he's leaving and they believe him. Unlike most DV victims I own my own house (have 2 in fact) and have a job and take care of the kids. He's the one that is disadvantaged and therefore they "can't" do anything about it but tell me to lock my doors and never go out. Funny how we have to leave the house to work and get food and run errands and that he knows my schedule... Tenants have more rights than landlords too ...so I can't get him to leave without taking him to court. Like that is going to happen when you are dealing with someone that is mentally ill. The only agency that doesn't agree and knows the least is CPS. That puts me in a rock and a hard place. If they would get him help and gotten him help I wouldn't be in this position. I'm afraid they are going to do the same thing as they have done over and over and over and over and over.... why should this time be any different???. They promise me and then don't do shit. He is not distracting me from what I need to do in life..... I think I have a pretty good handle. I do it all.....too good that's the problem. If I was more the victim, this wouldn't be an issue. Have you considered this is were I vent to as I don't to anybody else and really doesn't effect my life???