I wish I knew what the right thing to do is... Life is so confusing and messed up.
Just when things are calming down, I am getting stuff in order someone comes along and messes things up.
I thought I would be happy with Chris, yes it’s been a long on and off again thing for a long time and when we started talking again I wasn't sure but lately I feel like maybe it would be right. He started his new DJing job last night. He really wanted me there but I didn't think it would be right to go his first night. I wanted him to concentrate on work, he had his friends there to support him and it wasn't like I not supporting him but he should have a separation between work and relationship.... I will go at times once he get settled into his new job but until then he should focus on getting a good crowd up there. He asked me last night if he could stop by after work, meaning like 2:30 in the morning. I pretty much said I don't want him at my house unless he thinks things are gonna be serious between us and he wants to move forward.
So around 3 am my phone went off. And it was him telling me he was in my drive way... So I let him in and we went in my room and he was there until about 5:30. I made him leave then just cause I don't want my family to know yet. Just in case stuff doesn't work out, I mean knowing our past history of like 11 years on and off again. But I guess he wants to be serious and move forward since he showed up right?
I don't want to assume things and I am not ready to be hurt again either... Especially after the last guy lied right to my face telling me he wasn't ready for a relationship then a few weeks later starts seeing someone else... Can't deal with that again. But I guess that is what to be expected with shitty people like him.
I know Chris isn't like that, at least he wants to be around me and my son. And do stuff with us. He is willing to be a man and step up to the plate.
Anyways on to the negative thing and what is holding me back....
Today after work I went to the store and as I was driving home I got this text from my ex-husband. He asked me "If I ever thought about getting back together, if I would ever date him again, if would ever consider being intimate with him." and all this other stuff.
I will be honest, not a day goes by where I don't think what if.... What if I would have stayed...? Would my life be better, would it be worse, how would Jon be? etc... He told me the marriage between him and his wife is pretty much over. She is leaving for Chicago and taking their daughter. He is telling me how much he has changed, he goes to AA every chance he gets, he goes to church, and does charity work... Blah, blah, blah.... Should I believe it... I don't know... He wants to work things out...
Why does this have to happen to me...
What is the right thing to do...
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