The weekend was nice and relaxing and that’s what I needed. Lots of walking on the trail and taking things very, very slowly. Ended the weekend with my whole family coming to visit me at the last minute for a small and lovely dinner. I was absolutely so appreciative of that.
I’ve had some people ask about what’s happening with me and why my injury can’t just be “fixed” with surgery. Well, from what I understand at this point in time is that surgery is more risky than just the wait-and-see of the meds and close self-monitoring. Before I left the hospital, one of the doctors said that surgery could “blow out” my artery and damage it even further, causing a stroke or worse. So…if wait-and-see is what I have been given, then wait-and-see is what I’ll do.
It’s frustrating though, because I want to just say I’m feeling “good” when people ask, but I can’t and I won’t. Because honestly, I feel soso. I don’t feel TERRIBLE, but I don’t feel great by any means. And it’s not just the injury that keeps me feeling not great. Just think about the following:
- New medications making my body kinda go bonkers
- Blood pressure monitoring making me anxious when I get high readings - and BP still all over the place
- Different sleep patterns
- Missing getting my workouts in - do you remember when I said if I don’t break a sweat every day I get depressed? Yeah.
- The fact that, in the past, when I’d feel stressed out I’d grab a glass of bubbly or other similar beverage. I have had zero glasses of anything since April 5th
- Constantly monitoring myself for signs of stroke. I get little ticks and tingles and I wonder WTF…am I stroking out right now?? Nothing like being hypervigilant. I’m sure there’s such a thing as being too careful, right?
But. There are silver linings to every cloud, so I have to count my blessings as well:
- I am alive!
- I didn’t have a stroke!
- I don’t think my mom and I have ever been closer. She checks on me and now I’ve asked her to call me every night and I appreciate that sooooo much
- I am even more dedicated to nurturing my friendships, because as [Athena] put it, our friends are the family we choose
- I have so many wonderful people in my life checking in and offering to help with whatever I need
- I don’t feel alone
- I can still go on long walks with the dog
- My work is not crazy right now - it’s ok to not have to go balls to the wall these days for a while
- I have so many things to look forward to - including the rest of spring on local patios, travel, and new places and things to see!
So there. The good outweighs the bad, for sure.
Oh, and one more thing! CD wants to see me tonight! It’s Date #3, baby! I get one more chance to make some kind of impression. Who knows where this will go, but I’d love it if it included a tiny bit of hand-holding and maaaaaybe a kiss? A sweet, gentle kiss?
I’ll let you know!
xox,
GS
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