Coming out of a week of hitting my mental rock bottom… again. Fuck this mental health bullshit. I’m touchy and irritable and i believe have my boyfriend on constant defensive mode (or i can believe it’s just the way he is)
Anxiety was pretty high so i was watching what I was saying and the tone. I think nodding my head wouldve been the only way to not piss him off today. Here is when i suggested something when he didnt want to. Do everyone do this in these situations? What am i doing wrong?? Hes not happy? I dont know why. He doesn’t seem to have a sexual attraction or interest in me period. Why does he say and do things for me like he does when he speaks and looks (or doesnt ) at me like he doesnt?
So here is todays comversation:
(We were talking about making weed chocolates for his friends lol)
Him:
I raised the price on my chocolates and now no one wants to buy
Me: Thats shitty. How much do you sell them for?
Him: 12.50 each
Me: (shocked face) omg babe thats a lot. For a little tiny piece of chocolate.
Him: its worth it tho!
Me: Maybe you could use 2 instead of 3 and bring the price back down.
Him: (starting at the same time as me) Thats one less thing i have to do
I dont want to do that.... the quality will go down.
One less thing i have to do.
Me: (fear of him irritated is starting) Ok babe i just meant if you did want to continue to sell them.
Him: Thats one less thing i have to do. I don’t want to sell them.
Me: I was just saying if you did is all. Sorry (at this point I was getting pretty scared of him lashing out in anger for repeating himself… he repeats himself like this a lot and then says thats what made him angry because i made him repeat or asked him over and over when its just him repeating himself to everything i say)
Him: Thats one less thing i have to do. I don’t want to sell them.
Me: sorry i was just suggesting if you did
Him: i didnt ask for a suggestion. I know why they arent buying them, its because i raised the price.
He walked out talking about it after and was pretty irritated but nothing escalated. ((Thank you lord, i don’t think i could handle it))
Will he read this someday and realize? Or am i that bad for suggesting something when he didnt ask?
I think he would apologize if i asked but i dunno. I just know hes irritated. The root? Nothing to do with me, but this feels like a daily thing unless i avoid him.
Guess ill be back tomorrow…
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