play it cool in 2019

4:32pm

I really want to try to type this all up today, but we’ll see how it goes.

I wonder if it’s weird to send someone a myers-briggs personality test and ask them to take it? I feel like I shouldn’t even try to be friends with someone new unless I see their test results. haha!

Or maybe the real deal is that I should send everyone mine. Like automatically as soon as they get my number or e-mail I can include it as an attachment. Here you go, read each page and if you’re still interested let’s continue talking. If I seem like I’ll be too much for you please do not respond. Thank you!

It would definitely save everyone a whole lot of trouble. Especially me. But yeah probably also the person that has to deal with my strange quirks.

Things I’ve been noticing lately that make even me crazy:

• I’m a terrible tipsy texter. I will spam your inbox like it’s going out of style.
• I chase people way more than I ever should
• When I get really excited about something [usually someone!] I get overzealous and lose my self-control.

These are things I really, really want to work on. Because it’s not something I’m proud of. One of my biggest things is that I hate feeling like I’m begging someone for attention. I’ve really only done it with a few [maybe 3?] people and it always ends up hurting me way more than it should.

I’ve been thinking about all this a lot lately, obviously because I’ve been doing all the aforementioned things when it comes to the neighbour’s friend.
This morning I came across this line in an e-mail from Tiny Buddha: Or, if someone says something that triggers us emotionally, we may feel insecure, then start thinking about how we always say the wrong things, and then feel more insecure.
And that really resonated with me. The entire article was about being sensitive. Basically an introvert/highly sensitive person and how you can learn to use it to your advantage.

In the last few years I have definitely learned how to separate myself from other people’s feelings. I don’t let it affect me nearly as much as I used to. So the sensitivity thing isn’t as much of an issue anymore.

10:20am 3.28.19

And of course I got distracted yesterday. I should stop even trying to attempt these at the end of the day when I know I’m going to get busy with other things. Perhaps the morning will be better. As of right now I’ve only got 3 people on the books today. Two down already. But we’ll see how it goes.

I am really behind on paperwork and I should seriously put together a to-do list to make sure I don’t miss anything. We have like a dozen of our bigger pains left to come in. Not looking forward to that, especially because I know a lot of other people are procrastinating this year.

Honestly though there’s not much I can do about any of it. 🤷‍♀️ I have no control over when people decide to come in. I can’t change the way it all works so why the heck am I going to worry about it?! It is what it is. It’ll get done, or it won’t, I’m not really in the business of paying for other people’s decisions. I will do the best I can and the rest is up to the Universe. No point in fretting about it now. I’ll just take it one day at a time and then it’ll be over and I’ll be celebrating with margaritas on the beach!! 😁

Anyway, back to what I was talking about yesterday - the neighbour’s friend and my current lack of self control.

I’m seriously working on it though and I did really well yesterday. Like he texted me in the morning and I wasn’t trying to go out of my way to instantly respond. I think one of my things is that I start to feel like I’m playing some game. That it may come off like I’m playing hard to get or something. And I hate games like that! But it is true sometimes. If you try too hard, or put too much emphasis on the chase, they get overwhelmed and back off. Then you just end up exhausted with nothing to show for it.

So, if anything, I played it calm, cool, and collected. He’s for sure sending me some mixed signals but we’ll play it out for now. I know there is so much going on in his life that I do not know about. I’m definitely not trying to force him into anything and it’s not like I’m trying to rush into anything either! Like I said I just get excited!

Yesterday turned out ok though. We had a really nice back and forth joking around and then about a 15 minute phone call at the end of the evening before he went to bed. I didn’t try too hard. I didn’t send a bunch of texts. I just took it easy and hey it turned out good. What a shocker!

He totally sounded like he was flirting with me, but I really don’t know with that guy. We were joking about his Godson and I mentioned that the night before he’d taken me by the hand and told me to follow him with my eyes closed. haha. Compa said he probably would have done the same. And then there were jokes about taking me to his “room”, which is basically the couch, with my eyes closed. Then I brought up our divorce again. Oh man, did I even mention that in here?? I think I did.

He said that we are going to be “happily divorced” so it’s ok. He got excited that he’d get half my stuff and I told him that he really didn’t know me if that’s exciting to him and then he called me about 10 minutes later. It wasn’t a long conversation but he always finds a way to make me laugh. Maybe because I don’t take him seriously? Or he’s just a good story teller. At the end of the convo he said it was almost his bedtime so he had to go. I made a joke about our “interesting” talk and he goes, “Yeah! It was good! I didn’t say anything bad to you. I didn’t talk down to you. Nothing.” And I mentioned how at one point he did yell at me and call me “deaf” and then he said that he was getting mad now so he had to go. haha!
One other thing I really liked is when we were joking about the professional email he was writing and he said that he needed to act like the guy that came into my office. I was confused at first until I realized he was talking about himself. haha. And yeah that guy was super respectful! I didn’t even know how to act he was being so nice that day! So he said something about how he was really respectful to my mom [which he was] and that he had no reason to ever not be respectful towards her. I don’t know why that matters but it was nice to hear out loud I guess.
Although the next words out of his mouth were, “You on the other hand…”

And now I’m home and it’s late and apparently starting early on these doesn’t make a bit of difference. We had a surprise visit from our region guy in the afternoon so that took up some time. I also finished that damn reconciliation thing I’ve been working on for weeks so that’s good.

But also I’m at home and I was about to text the neighbour friend when I heard a loud noise. He told me yesterday he was coming to get his smoker so I thought it was him. Didn’t see anything outside when I looked but then I caught sight of what could be his work truck on the other side of the fence. And L confirmed he was/is there.
Of course he hasn’t said a word to me today and I know I shouldn’t let it affect me....but it does. Because I get way too excited for all the wrong things. Always.

rose.
21:10

Last updated March 29, 2019