grateful laughter in 2019

3.15.19-10:54pm

Well, I’m going to start this but I don’t think I’ll get very far. I probably shouldn’t even put the time because I know I’m going to go to bed here soon and this’ll be postponed until tomorrow. There’s just a lot on my mind. Further moved along by posting my last entry and reading the “on this day” from last year. Holy crap the difference a year can make!

I am so beyond grateful for my new friends/neighbours. Have I said that yet? haha. Seriously though! I don’t think I would be feeling this good if it weren’t for them. They kinda saved me from that pit of sorrow I was living in. A place I was living in for far too long without realizing that I could escape. I had gotten so caught up in all the wrong things and I don’t know....I’m just feeling so much better now. Like I’m finally getting to be myself again and that is so nice.

It’s crazy that it all started on New Years too. They moved in some time in September, I think, but that was the real turning point. That day with all of their friends and family. Feeling like I was part of the crowd without really knowing them. We just fit in so perfectly and I’m still in such shock about that.

Y’all know me! I don’t like new people. I don’t like strangers. I don’t fit in well with big groups of people. All of that. But this has been so easy and simple. They’re so nice and kind. Their families are so easy to get along with. My sarcasm and sense of humor is so well received because they have the same stupid jokes going on.

Last night I went to their house to work on that cover letter right? And when I got there they were still eating dinner. H asked if I wanted some but I said I was good. Then later L asked again and I said the same. So H asked if I wanted him to feed me and I jokingly answered that yes I would love that! I really like when he gets the tongs and holds pieces of meat out to me. haha. You should have seen the way L rolled her eyes. I swear they went all the way into the back of her head! And it’s crazy because I’m realizing that she’s actually kinda jealous about him. I can tell she’s self-conscious and stuff. And there’s more going on there than I’ve discovered to date but last night she just rolled her eyes and laughed. I love that she doesn’t consider me a threat at all. And she shouldn’t!! She knows that I’m not. I think I’ve basically become the female version of el compa. Hanging out there all the time and like their other child. haha!

You don’t even know how difficult it has been for me. I haven’t made any new friends in so damn long. Basically since I moved home. It’s hard to meet new people in this tiny town. And obviously I have my own set of quirks to deal with. I’m just…I don’t know. I can’t even say it enough how grateful I am to have them now. I am so excited for warm weather and the season to be over. I’m excited to have them here for my new favorite time of year. It’s going to be so great.

Not to mention this friend of theirs that I’m getting to know. So random and out of nowhere. Like I just show up there and there’s this guy and we get along really well. Like it just happened without trying. I don’t know what it is or what it will be and I don’t care right now. I’m just trying to take it one day at a time.

I was slightly caught off guard a bit ago when mom said that she heard me laughing and laughing with him on the phone tonight. She said that I was laughing more than I laugh with JR, which is saying A LOT and I told her those were strong words. I mean, seriously that is saying a lot. I didn’t even think it was a big deal but apparently it sounds different to an outsider.

He’s easy to talk to though our limit so far has been about half an hour on the phone. He’s gotten so much better about texting me back. Who knew all I had to do was mention it to him? Gee. Communication might actually work. Even just yesterday he ended up calling me while I was over at the neighbours working on that cover letter. I don’t know how we got around to it but I ended up telling him how it sucked and/or was annoying when someone doesn’t text you back. He clearly picked up on my hints and yeah. It’s been alright. I can tell he’s trying a little more. I so appreciate that. Because I don’t need to be your number one but I would like to know that you care enough to respond. And I realized that I don’t even care if he responds within 10 minutes. All I care about is knowing that he will respond eventually. That’s the difference! because before he just wouldn’t respond at all and I would feel bad. Knowing it’ll come eventually makes all the difference. Seriously!

During that call yesterday he said that he was just calling to say hi and also because he thought I needed some laughs. It was weird because I hadn’t said anything to him yesterday about needing to hear something funny. That was what, like a week ago? Not sure where he got that from but it’s ok, I didn’t mind. If he wants to call me every day to make me laugh I am totally fine with that. He really does crack me up and I am kinda maybe really enjoying these phone calls.

3.16.19-2:27pm

Just as I suspected, I opted to go to bed last night instead of continuing the rambles. It was getting close to midnight and I really do need to get more sleep.

There was so much running through my head. I don’t even know how to put it all into words. That entry from a year ago was so different to read. Even just reading over the TF stuff feels different. I can tell changes are being made. Like I read it and it was fine but I feel so detached from that person. From the person I was when I wrote those words. It’s good to know that those feelings are going away. I was honestly afraid that I would have to live with them for the rest of my life and I’m not sure I can handle that.

It’s ok though. I’m doing just fine right now and I’m really enjoying what I have going on. I am trying to remember all the lessons that I’ve learned over the last few years and apply them to current situations. Sometimes I fail, but I’m only human. It doesn’t take long before I realize I’m being a crazy person and I settle back down.

Man work was busy today. Just one of those days that didn’t really have a lull. Didn’t even have time for lunch! let alone time to really focus on this. Every time I started to type I would get distracted by something. It’s good though. It went by quickly! We closed up, made it to church on time, came home to eat flautas, and now I’m hanging out on the couch listening to music and enjoying my drink. =)

I started this with the intention of writing about certain things but there have been so many distractions that I don’t even really know what that was anymore.

Probably more stuff about the neighbour’s friend. hah. Mom seems quite impressed with the fact that he had me laughing so much during our phone call last night. She mentioned it several times throughout the day today. Also the fact that I was talking to him about having just painted my nails before he called. HAHA He asked what I was doing! And I like that I can talk to him like that. About whatever! I don’t even know what’s going on between us but it’s nice not having to freaken censor myself or worry what he’s going to think of me. He’s constantly telling me to be myself. Mostly because I tell him I’m going to be nice to him and he tells me not to because I should just be myself. hah. But still. It’s cool to hear that. Like you do you!

Plus the fact that I can talk to him in Spanish. I don’t know what it is but I’m really enjoying that aspect! I don’t think I’ve ever had a friendship with someone that knows Spanish and it makes such a difference. I might not look Mexican but I do actually speak a lot of Spanish on a daily basis and sometimes it’s easier to express certain things in another language! Some stuff just doesn’t translate that well and even though I’ve been around a lot of Mexicans they’re usually so Americanized that they don’t even know Spanish. I like the fact that I can randomly text this dude stuff, or I can say things over the phone when I switch without realizing it, and I don’t have to apologize and correct it because they don’t understand. That’s nice for whatever reason.

Not to mention all the cultural aspects. He just gets it.

He called me last night on his way home from checking out his truck that he’s upgrading the sound system on. We talked his whole way home and I really was dying from laughter. I still have this cough going so I try not to get too worked up but it was hilarious. So many stories. He’s a good story teller!

Hmm…looks like the neighbours just got home and want to hang. I guess I’ve gotta go! haha. ;)

rose.
9:12pm

Last updated March 18, 2019